It’s hard not to believe the conspiracy theories that Paramount Picture’s initial Sonic The Hedgehog trailer was an elaborate PR stunt. For what’s supposed to be a fantasy/sci-fi flick, the first trailer was absurdly comical.
In case you missed it at the time: Paramount fucked up. When, and if, you were able to stop yourself from wondering why Coolio’s 1995 hit “Gangsta’s Paradise” was playing in the background, you were then left to fear the freakish artistic-misinterpretation that lay before you. For some unknown reason, Sonic had been given a full-set of human teeth, two eyes (instead of one eye with two irises) that were far too far apart, and a disconcertingly elongated body with muscular calves and furry fingers instead of gloves.
The Internet-mob weren’t having a bar of it and Paramount had no choice but to head back to the drawing board. Director Jeff Fowler tweeted that the release had been pushed back to Valentine’s Day 2020 to allow the artists “a little more time to make Sonic just right”.
Unveiled today, the redesigned Sonic has been met by cheers of relief and approval across the Interwebs. The new and improved version is far more evocate of the 90’s videogame character that, to many peoples confusion, has amassed a cult-like adoration in the years since. New-Sonic still has two eyes, but a small bit of white fur creates the illusion that he remains the cyclopean mutant he was back in the day. He also now features 100% fewer human teeth and instead bares some unrealistic cartoonish choppers which are suitable for a talking hedgehog character. And they ditched the product placement human shoes on his feet. Here’s a comparison between the old and new design:
Kudos to Paramount for putting in the time and effort to satisfy the people. Bravo. But I’m probably still not going to watch this movie though.