Skier frozen penis 1

Skier Suffers Frozen Penis in What Might Be the Most Unwanted Olympic Moment in History  

Every bloke has experienced some form of humiliating shrinkage at one point in our lives. The pool water temperature has humbled even the best of us in that department. But what about a frozen penis? That is next level – right? Spare a thought for Finland’s cross country skier Remi Lindholm, who bore brunt to exactly that.

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The Finn knew it was going to take balls to win the gruelling event but it cost him so much more.  Remi was the talk of not only Beijing, but the entire planet, this week when he finished the epic 50km race in all sorts of bother. There’s no polite, or other way to say it, but poor old Remi’s dick froze off. Okay, it didn’t exactly freeze off, but it did most certainly freeze. And, before you go off making any “stiffy” inspired wisecracks, it was no laughing matter. In fact, as far as sports injuries go, this is perhaps the most unusual, and painful, as it gets.

“You can guess which body part was a little bit frozen when I finished,” he told Finnish media. “It was one of the worst competitions I’ve been in. It was just about battling through. When the body parts started to warm up after the finish, the pain was unbearable.”

Remi, who finished 28th in the race, which was reduced to 30kms from the usual 50kms due to the brutal conditions, will go down forever in Olympic folklore for all the wrong reasons.  The 24-year-old was forced to use a heat pack to warm up his damaged jewels after a hard-nut performance in his first Olympic Games. Believe it or not, this isn’t the first time Remi has experienced dick-freeze. He suffered a similar ill fate in another cross-country skiing race in Scandinavia snowies just last year.

The good news, however, is Remi did manage to avoid frostbite and, after applying some serious deep heat and hot pads to the injured area, the 24-year-old recovered in time to party at the closing ceremony and show the friendly locals that he’s still got game where it counts most.  So, how did/does this even happen?

Well, apparently, the Johnson is just like any other appendage on the male body and is susceptible to extreme cold and can, well, freeze stiff.  Those who have visited Finland in the depths of winter, where your old fella and balls feel like they’re gonna freeze off at any moment, would think Remi’s “kikkeli” (Finnish for penis) would be used to such barbaric weather patterns.  But, it seems, not.  Let’s just hope Remi finally learns his lesson from this gruesome ordeal and does a thorough warm-up before representing his country at the 2026 Games. Here’s hoping the only thing “stiff” in Milan for the proud Finn is the competition.

CONTRIBUTOR

Heath Davis

Heath Davis is an award winning writer/editor/producer with over 20 years publishing experience. Davis has worked as a writer/editor across all forms of media and has had content produced in the Penrith Press, Blacktown Gazette, Blue Mountains Gazette, Western Weekender, Daily Telegraph, Sydney Morning Herald, and Universal Magazines.