As the movie It’s A Mad Mad Mad Mad World taught us, it’s a mad mad…well you know. Though the news every day is filled with the sad and alarming, it’s also packed with the positively bizarre, if you know where to look. Sometimes life seems to be a tragedy, sometimes it feels more like a comedy: but when you check out the stranger side of the news you can see it as not just a comedy, but a cross between Mel Brooks and The Goodies. Luckily, there’s no need for you to hunt these oddball stories down, as we’ve helpfully put them together for your convenience and education. Enjoy, in this handy package, the Weird News of the moment.
"Nello studio, come nello sport, per vincere ci vogliono determinazione, impegno, preparazione". @Cristiano Ronaldo è protagonista della nuova campagna pubblicitaria di #eCampus, l'unica università online con tutor anche in presenza. #eCampusCR7 pic.twitter.com/ZHNLst8cZj
— Università eCampus (@uni_ecampus) September 16, 2019
Italian University Offers a Degree Social Media Influencing
In good news for everyone who has ever wished to gain formal qualifications but found traditional courses far too useful, Italian online university eCampus is offering a three year – yes, three year – degree program in social media influencing. Perhaps doubts about eCampus should’ve been raised at the words “online university”, but apparently the course is an utterly serious attempt to give aspiring influencers the tools they need to do whatever influencers do. The course is being promoted by Cristiano Ronaldo, which seems counter-intuitive: people seeing Ronaldo on the ads will just be reminded that careers based on actual achievement are still a thing.
Epic Photos of Kim Jong-Un Riding a Horse Have Surfaced
If people really want to know how to play the socmed game, they could do worse than look to the world’s cuddliest dictator, Kim Jong-Un. The North Korean sort-of-strongman made a big splash online this week with the release of several dramatic photos of himself riding a beautiful white horse through spectacular snowy mountain landscapes. The pics show the Dear Leader in as heroic a light as a short, chubby man with glasses who clearly hates riding horses can be shown, so it seems unfair that they provoked an immediate and explosive burst of laughter across the globe. The images were accompanied by a statement that “there will be a great operation to strike the world with wonder”. Some believe this refers to missile tests, though the stunning photos hint that it could also mean Kim is attempting to return the cursed Amulet to the Caves of Wonder.
— Pasco Sheriff (@PascoSheriff) October 13, 2019
Florida Man Calls 911 to Report His Stolen Weed
If you’re looking for a real hero, look no further than Deputy Neal Zalva of the Pasco County Sheriff’s Department in Florida. Zalva is the law enforcement superstar who posted a video on Twitter to ask a local man to stop calling 911 about his stolen weed. Although recreational marijuana use is illegal in Florida, the man, who has been ringing repeatedly to report that his roommate nicked his stash, has not been charged – Zalva and his fellow deputies just want him to stop calling. A beautiful example of community policing and how with a little tact and understanding, real harmony can be achieved between cops and raving potheads.
Cows Have Been Painted With Zebra Stripes in the Name of Science
But for genuine social progress, you must look to the world of science, where a study has revealed the benefits of painting zebra stripes on cows. Obviously, one of those benefits is that you get cows that look like zebras, but even more than that: the scientists, from Japan – home of all things weird and wonderful – found that cows with black and white stripes experienced a fifty per cent reduction in fly bites. Apparently, the cattle industry loses billions every year due to fly bites, which does seem to indicate it’s a pretty terrible industry to get involved in in the first place; but some of those billions can be saved, and pesticides avoided, if the zebra solution proves viable. It seems that the stripes work not because of flies’ innate terror of African herbivores, but because black and white together confuses flies’ vision and makes them less likely to land on the animal in question. If these results can be replicated, we could be in for a new age of stripey cows worldwide, and that can only be a good thing.
Bag of Live Pythons Stolen From Library Carpark
But it’s not all good news in the animal kingdom, with the disturbing news out of San Jose that a bag full of snakes was callously stolen from a parking garage. The bag, containing three pythons and a lizard, was stolen from reptile guru Brian Gundy, who had just given a presentation at Martin Luther King Library, which is one of those libraries where people go to see snakes. You know the type. Anyway, two of the snakes were later found in a dumpster, leaving Gundy fretting about the fate of the other snake and the lizard – and wondering what it is about the dumpster snakes that the thief found so objectionable. Anyone who sees a suspicious-looking person carrying a duffel bag that seems to be alive is urged to contact police. The main reason this story is newsworthy is that Gundy’s business is called “For Goodness’ Snakes”, which I think should restore our faith in humanity entirely.
That’s it for this week’s Weird News. You can catch up on previous instalments of Weird News you might have missed here.