As harbingers of an entirely new industry, ride sharing service Uber underwent a brief adjustment period following it’s auspicious launch, during which the company worked out the kinks and redesigned internal procedures to accommodate various municipal laws. There were also shady drivers to deal with because who needs those.
And then there was one final, unexpected hurdle to mount that was potentially far worse than any city law or crummy driver: awful riders. You know who you are, you terrible riders. You’re the ones who throw up in the backseat, sing off-key at the top of your lungs, and try to fit 10 people in a car built for 5. Well, Uber’s had enough of you and they’re putting their proverbial foot down.
The ubiquitous ride-sharing service has established some “tips” for riders who’d like to earn and keep their 5-Stars status, and likewise some “tips” for those who want to avoid being suspended or banned. And we’re putting “tips” in quotations because we have a feeling these are basically rules, but Uber doesn’t want to scare you off. Here’s how you can stay on your driver’s good side and keep those 5 stars:
1) Pin It to Win It – Technology is a wonderful thing and one day it very well might be foolproof. Until then, please remember to plug in your specific pick-up address so your driver doesn’t lose his mind searching for you in the neighbouring parking lot.
2) Don’t Pile In – Can you count to 4? Good. Now please explain why you tried to cram no less than 7 people into that sedan you ordered through Uber. You know, the one with 4 passenger seats and 4 seatbelts?
3) Time is Money – There’s a feature in the Uber app that lets the driver know you might be running late. If you don’t use it, and then you’re running late, you’re a bad rider unworthy of the full 5 stars. And a flake.
4) Confirm your Ride – Uber is popular in case you didn’t know. That means if you’re out at the club there’s a good chance you’re not the only one who hailed an Uber. When you get into the car, make sure it’s the one you ordered and don’t forget to confirm your first name along with the driver’s first name. And don’t steal someone else’s Uber–these guys are everywhere. If it’s not your Uber then your Uber is right around the corner. Geesh.
5) Be Courteous – We’re not your parents or your Bible school teacher so it’s embarrassing (for us) that we need to get all “golden rule” on you, but you’ve left us with no choice: treat others as you want to be treated.
6) Don’t Break the Law – Just because your Uber driver is your age and friendly, doesn’t mean he or she wants to lose his or her license getting you to your appointment. Don’t ask him or her to exceed the speed limit, skip lights, or violate any traffic laws if you’re running late. And if you get fired because you missed some meeting or appointment, maybe you should start getting ready a little earlier.
And here’s how to avoid getting banned or suspended from Uber:
1) Damaging Property – Did you think that was a great time when you started punching the roof of a car that wasn’t your own while the beer you’d been chugging spilled onto the floor? Well, the driver and other passengers didn’t think it was. Neither did Uber.
2) Physical Contact with Driver or Fellow Riders – We know: alcohol + the opposite sex in the back of a car = make out session. Just keep your hands to yourself until you get home. No punching either, stupid.
3) Use of Inappropriate or Abusive Language – We have the feeling Uber gets a lot of wasted passengers. Don’t use aggressive, disrespectful or offensive language with people who don’t know you. Ever.
4) Unwanted Contact with Driver or Passenger After Trip is Over – No matter how good looking your driver might be, don’t ask for his or her number or try to visit him or her in person. Stalk, much?
5) Breaking the Local Law – Think of an Uber car as essentially any other place in your community. If it’s against the law and you’re doing it, you’ll be banned if not arrested. In other words: duh.
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