Scientists Discover Hand Dryers are Blowing Fecal Bacteria Over Your Hands

Science is a wonderful thing, isn’t it? Whether it’s developing cures for terrible diseases, finding solutions for the pressing problems of the future, or revealing just how much fecal material is being deposited onto us by hand dryers…

Wait…what?

Yes, another snowflake in the blizzard of good news that the modern world is always bringing us has fallen, with scientists announcing that those handy air-blasters we stick our hands under in public bathrooms are spraying us with fecal bacteria. Researchers at the University of Connecticut found that plates exposed to thirty seconds of air from a hand dryer ended up with 18-60 colonies of fecal bacteria on average, while plates just left sitting in the bathroom air for two minutes finished with fewer than one colony on average.

The scientists aren’t completely certain how the hand dryers gather so much bacteria to blast onto our innocent, relatively non-fecal hands – they may be attracting the bacteria to them like magnets, or it could just be that the concentrated air blasts provide more intense exposure to the bacteria-festooned air. But let’s not get too caught up in the details: let’s focus on the heartwarming fact that hand dryers are covering us in poo-germs.

And they usually don’t even get your hands fully dry, right?

Of course, the fact we’ve all been using hand dryers for years and we’re pretty much fine might suggest that having loads of fecal bacteria on your hands isn’t actually a problem. Nevertheless, you might want to play it safe from now on and use paper towels instead. At least until science decides that they’re going to kill you too.