Dating – it’s an anxiety-provoking social past-time, that we put ourselves through for an opportunity to meet a new potential romantic partner. They don’t always go well and sometimes that isn’t because you aren’t a good pair. When nerves, uncertainty, and self-consciousness get in the way, you might act completely out of character and end-up screwing your chances with them. To circumvent mistakes and increase your likelihood of a successful date, here are 3 golden rules to follow that will improve your chances and either get you laid or falling in love, quick-smart!
Rule One: Ask About Her
While nerves can get the best of you and word vomit can take the form of a 2-hour verbal delivery of your life’s biography, it’s super important to take a break from speaking and ask your date about her life. Even though she’ll be totally curious about who you are and what you’re all about, she’ll equally want the opportunity to tell you all about her. A question like ‘what did you get up to today?’ can usually get a good conversation flowing and give you some insight into her life. Other questions such as ‘what do you do for work?’ or ‘what are your plans this weekend?’ can give you an idea of her interests and hobbies. Even if you’re only in it for a quick fling, your chances of hooking-up are pretty slim if you don’t show any interest in her.
Rule Two: Be Honest
If you’re just up for a quick fling, tell her! She’ll appreciate it. Don’t be just another guy that has ghosted without giving her any explanation. Be the person that will go down in her dating history as ‘the one who was actually upfront about what he wants’. It’s super-hot, mature, and you might even come out of it with a new mate. Alternatively, if you just weren’t feeling the date and she contacts you afterward to meet up a second time, let her know the feelings aren’t mutual. A simple ‘hey, I had a nice time with you the other night, but I’d just like to be friends. Hope that’s okay. Might see you around in the future’ is all you need. Feel free to make it more personal, but the point is this will spare her hours (even days) ruminating over whether you’re going to write back or not.
Rule Three: Text Her After
First and foremost, this doesn’t only apply to men – both women and men should follow this rule. If you enjoyed your time and you’re keen to see them again, text your date! What have you got to lose? Besides missing another opportunity to see them, there isn’t much else. Sending a short and sweet ‘had a great time tonight :)’ will give her all those warm and fuzzy feelings, just like in high school when you found out your crush liked you too. It’s thoughtful and ensures that no one is left feeling doubtful or uncertain; especially when they shouldn’t be.
What should you not do while dating?
Don't speak about yourself the whole time, don't lie about your intentions and don't take too long to text her. If you communicate that you're keen and interested in her then your chances of a second date will be sure to improve.
How long do you date before being in a relationship?
Everyone is different. Some will jump straight into a relationship while others might take months or years. Instead of following any pre-determined structure, pay attention to your visceral feelings. Be true to your emotions and communicate them with your partner.
What is the difference between dating and in a relationship?
Every relationship and dating arrangement can vary. Generally, relationships involve commitment and in most cases monogamy, while dating is casual and commitment-free.
Laura Miano is a Sex Therapist in Training whose passion is centred on breaking down barriers surrounding sexuality and encouraging people to explore their sexuality in new ways. She celebrates diversity and believes that each individual is entitled to their own sexual identity. To contact her or see more of her content, email [email protected] or follow @lauramianosexology.