Colombian Health Ministry Urges Citizens to Masturbate For the Good of the Country

We’ve already revealed the top tips for sex and sexual endeavours during these strange coronavirus times, but apparently the Colombian government is giving citizens a further helping hand. The country’s health department has recommended that people get a grip on their man-to-hand relationship, advising self-isolation is the perfect time to practise a bit of self-love. In the newly-released COVID-19 guidelines, the Colombian health ministry urged citizens to masturbate during lockdown to prevent the spread of the virus.

“We know that other coronaviruses are not transmitted efficiently through sex,” a translation of the guideline provided by brobible reads. “Remember that COVID is transmitted through intimate contact with another person and that saliva can transmit it. Auto-erotism is an option. There are ways of having sex pleasure that do not involve direct contact with other people.”

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The advice was obtained and posted to Twitter by Catalina Oquendo, a journalist for the prominent Colombian tabloid El Pais. According to the release, the health ministry also encouraged residents to take proper precautions when it comes to getting a hold of yourself. “If you use sex toys, be sure to wash them with soap and water,” the guidelines added. Washing as you go is good advice, we all hate it when the butt-plugs pile up on the sharehouse sink as we all tip-toe around them pretending it isn’t our turn to do the dishes.

But despite the Colombian government’s big push for solo-seduction, it hasn’t thrown sex off the table completely. Instead, the health ministry has simply advised citizens to avoid practices that carry increased chances of risk. “Make a decision that promotes individual and partner health and wellness. Abstinence can be a valid alternative while the crisis lasts. The safest partner is the partner with whom you live. Having close contact – including sex – with the smallest number of people helps prevent the spread of COVID-19. Always have consensual relationships. Close contact, including sex, with anyone outside your home should be avoided,” the guideline continued.

So, there you have it folks, full licence to beat the devil out of yourself this isolation period. Not that you needed any encouragement. Sex toys are absolutely exploding in popularity at the moment, with panic buying hitting fever pitch. But unlike hand sanitiser and toilet paper, you don’t have to beat off people at the store to get your hands on a sex toy. You just have to beat off.

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