The age old question regarding sex on the first date is far more complicated than a first glance might suggest. Between the plethora of apps and the broad selection of niche, targeted dating sites available to help wet your weiner, guys are staying in the dating pool far longer than their forebears and, as a result, there are more first dates happening now than ever.
The decision to have sex on the first date might seem like a logical one–people like to copulate, after all, and given the rise of casual relationships, as well as a palpable decline in any social stigma surrounding promiscuity (thanks, Nelly), there really isn’t any reason not to get on the good foot and do the bad thing after just one rendezvous.
This isn’t so much a question of whether or not one night stands are kosher, you’d have to be a prude to suggest otherwise (and that’s more about a mutually beneficial yet brief encounter anyway), as much as it is a question of mutual respect, and whether or not sex on the first date is a healthy foundation to be laying at the start of a committed relationship.
To examine the question, there are several factors to consider, many of which unsurprisingly employ a classic battle-of-the-sexes argument, and one which requires nuance and more than a short attention span to properly consider.
This article is part of our Under the Covers Series
What Are The Benefits of Sex on The First Date?
We’re not here to posture: this is, at its core, a lighthearted informative piece to pose an interesting question while you skim it on the morning commute. But if you have a look at any and all of our other discussions on the topic of sex (start here, here and here), you’ll quite comfortably see that we at Man of Many don’t find the topic uncomfortable.
Sex is an undeniably good time (except for when it isn’t), and we’d seldom recommend not having it. There’s something fun about a first date that ends up between the sheets, too–it’s honest and removes the anticipation that some enjoy, but others don’t. It’s also evident during plenty of first dates that while it’s probably not going to be happily ever after, it could still be a quality romp.
Having sex on the first date is also an easy way to level the playing field, with both parties essentially giving up on playing games, and confessing that at the end of the day, they’re both down for a good time.
But perhaps not a long time.
Is Sex on The First Date a Gendered Issue?
Trawling the internet to read others’ opinions on this topic, it becomes pretty evident that men and women are wired very differently on the subject. While you’d have to be deaf, dumb and blind to think that the preponderance of men would prefer to wait until date three to do the deed, many women seem less concerned with the act of having sex on the first date as they are with the fear of not being respected afterward.
There are also plenty of instances whereby males have confessed that if they sleep with a girl on the first date, they won’t call her again the next day, though this is more a childish insecurity than it is a reasoned stance.
It’s a gross generalisation to make, that the differences of opinion could be wholly split into to differently gendered camps, but there is a fundamentally obvious correlation between having a vagina and holding back, until you’ve got to know each other a little better. There’s also an obvious correlation between having a penis and wanting to get the check before the dessert menus have been placed, in the hopes of enjoying something sweeter, and with fewer calories.
If Not The First Date, Then When?
The classic dilemma. Sarah Chalke’s character Elliot Reid from the early 2000s sitcom Scrubs once described herself as “Four-Date Reid”, citing that she favoured sex on the fourth date because it was, “One date longer than the sluts, one date shorter than the prudes”.
This may have worked for Elliot, but the reality is that, obviously, there is no correct answer.
What should be a rule though, is to never expect that you’ll be getting your end away after one hot dinner. A first date that ends with a martini and a kiss on the cheek is just as fine as one that ends with hanky-panky, no matter what your preferred brand of gin. You may have spent the entire evening making longing glances and muttering sweet nothings, but think of it as your sales pitch to go round two, and not strike out on your first turn.
Are Men More Intrigued By Women Who Make Them Wait?
In short? Yes. Of course they are. The sexual intrigue that goes hand in hand with dating is no great mystery, and keeping the goods on the top shelf for a little bit longer can go a long way when it comes to creating intrigue. In very general terms, men are undeniably and inexplicably spellbound by the idea of sealing the deal, so much so that being forced to wait until date number three usually guarantees a higher level on interest, and, if we’re honest, a couple more hot dinners (and a couple more than that cocktails) on her end.
And there’s nothing wrong with deliberately building intrigue. Sex is great, but so is getting to know somebody who isn’t a complete asshat. Plenty of great relationships, whether they remain sexual or change to friendships, are forged over shared drinks as much as they are–if not more so than–shared bodily fluids.
Weighing Up The Decision To Have Sex on The First Date
As we’ve previously stated, this is not exactly a life-changing decision to make, at least not in this day and age. But if you’re the type to dwell on such internal debates, it’s worth considering before you head out on date numero uno. With a little foresight and slightly more patience, you might turn the knob of desire all the way to eleven, and create a moment more special than an impatient, alcohol-fuelled shag, playing your hand on the first roun of betting.
Or maybe you shouldn’t. Whatever. Either way. Just have fun, and be safe.
This article is part of our Under the Covers Series