We’re three days out from the New Year and everyone’s setting their intentions. More gym days, book reading and time with friends; less sugar, cigarettes, and sickies. But how about your sex life? If you think you were lacking between the sheets in 2018, here are five easy ways you can ramp up your sex life and have better sex.
1. Get out of the bedroom
When is the last time you had sex outside of the bedroom? Sex in other places is fun! Whether in your own home, a hotel, or in public* – the excitement that comes from having sex in a location that’s outside of the norm brings all kind of additional sensory awareness. And with heightened senses, comes better sex.
My top recommendations for good (safe) sex included in the shower (be sure you have a good grip, and use a lubricant as water will strip her of her natural lubrication) or under the stars (take a tent or pop the back of the tray down on your ute, with pillows and blankets, for a unique location that’s at once romantic and risqué).
2. (Dirty) talk to your lover
You all know I’m a stickler for communication in the bedroom. How can you get what you want if you don’t ask for it? Now you’re talking in bed, it’s time to turn up the notch and talk dirty to your lover. Approach this slowly, but with honesty. Tell her what you love about what she’s doing (‘Oh babe, I love it when you tongue my balls’), ask her if she’s enjoying herself (‘Do you like it when I slide slowly inside you, teasing you?’) and look to the future together (‘I want you to ride my cock while I suck your breasts and slap your ass ‘til you come’). If she’s shy to start, slow down and go at a pace that works for both of you. Unsolicited dirty talk can be scary. Encouraged dirty talk can be hot as hell.
3. Approach from a new position
If you’re in a relationship – or a regular at one night stands – sex can become monotonous. You know the position that works for you both, so you throw her back, slide in, get it over with and climax within minutes. Challenge yourself to last a little longer and try new things! Google ‘Kama Sutra’ with your girlfriend, and pick a position that looks completely undoable. Then do it. The laughs and ensuing penetration will bring you closer together than a quickie ever could!
4. Try a little Tantra
Connection during sex is everything. If you’re not big on verbal communication, Tantra could be a great way for you to improve your sex-life. Visualise this: you’re penetrating your lover, with her facing you, both sitting up and with arms around one another. Your heads are in-line, as are your hearts and genitals. When these three points are connected in Tantra, you’re approaching your partner with a clear-mind (no pre-conceived ideas or expectations), a full-heart (you want to be there, with her) and a hungry cock (you need her, desperately). If you can say yes, yes, yes to these three Tantric connections, you’ll likely both be saying the same as you climax together.
5. Be proactive
This one works whether you’re on the dating scene or in a ten-year relationship. There is nothing sexier than being proactive. I understand that in the era of #MeToo, approaching women unsolicited can be scary. However, there are ways you can do so that protects them, and yourself. Buy that woman at the bar a drink, or walk by and (genuinely) tell her you like her dress. Next: read her response. This is the most important, and will see women be much more receptive to you, whether you’re in the bar or the bedroom.
Got a long-term girlfriend? There’s nothing worse than when you or she lay down and think of England instead of getting excited about sex. Tell her you want to try something new tonight, and then (if she seems positive about it) throw her down on the bed, tell her how damn sexy she looks, push her hair out of her face and look deep into her eyes before you begin to touch her elsewhere. This deep connection at the start of your love-making will make the ensuing sex all the more sweet – especially if followed by even more proactivity!
*Beware of public indecency and only have sex on private property.
BARE Sexology is a sex and relationships education platform. Follow it here @baresexology.