Sexology – What’s All This Fuss About Tinder?

By: Amanda Joy Robb

As a female Sex Therapist, I often have male friends who ask what’s the best way these days to ‘pick up’ days via social/online media. I thought I’d take the opportunity to share my answer via Man of Many, seeing a vast majority of you alongside my male freinds, may be wondering the exact same thing. Well Gentleman, have I got news for you:

If you’re single and ready to mingle, you’re in for a virtual treat.

‘Hooking up’ is a far cry from the days when  getting your flirt on required busting out on your locals’ dance floor , only to be left with shoes soaked in spilt beer and with moves reeking of awkward desperation. Nowadays, your Smartphone’s your wingman and your handful of one-liners have been replaced by your Facebook profile pic’.

“I encourage anyone searching for a substantial relationship to keep an open mind and a spontaneous attitude.”

Welcome to the world of Tinder, the free downloadable phone app that’s fast overtaken Blendr, and clearly shat all over the notion of meeting someone the ‘old fashioned way’. Considering the love game has progressively moved online over the years, creating a more accessible dating market, it is no surprise applications like Tinder have been launched and rightfully greeted with an eager response. According to Tinder’s Aussie brand Manager Joshua Metz, the app is downloaded more than 1000 times a day in our country alone.

sex therapy  tinder 2

I was introduced to Tinder on a recent girls night out, when a friend pulled out her Iphone and talked us through the ropes. It was clear within minutes her addiction to ‘Tindering’ had superseded her love for Candy Crush, and the rest of us would be hooked by the end of the evening. Being a location-based dating app (similar to Grindr, yet marketed more for the hetero-market) Tinder picks up fellow singletons in your area, giving you the option to ‘like’ or  ‘pass’ them.  Liking their picture will give them the heads up that you’re keen and vice-versa, and if they ‘like’ you back, Tinder actions the chat option so you can then engage in conversation. The only catch with the app is it’s linked to your Facebook account: Underneath potential suitors profiles, Tinder tells you if you have mutual Facebook friends. For some of you die-hard social media users, this identification process may be no biggie, however for others who are more use to keep their dating under wraps, this could be totes awks’ if that shared friend is someone you don’t want knowing your creepin’ on Tinder, let alone that mutual friend be your ex.

“if you’re determined to post a bathroom selfie, please make sure the toilet seats down”

It’s as simple as using retail apps such as The Iconic and scrolling through catalogues of clothes, except you’re searching through countless photos of potential hook up’s. I don’t know if it’s because I’m easily drawn to shiny new things or the fact I’d had a few Gin & Tonics’, but I have to admit Tinder got my attention. At face value, it’s ego-boosting, judgemental and definitely no bed of roses. On the flip-side, it’s quick, easy and straight to the point, giving a cut throat attitude to a no strings attached style of dating. Regardless if your motive for signing up is for some free and fanciful fun, or something a bit more substantial, you’re either going to rate it or hate it. But like any dating opportunity that comes as a free download, you gotta’ take it with a grain of salt. I’ve been asked countless times if apps such as Tinder can lead one down the church aisle, and bag someone a wife or a husband.  On a personal level, and at the risk of sounding as romantic as a stale loaf of bread, I think your chances of finding true love on Tinder are as slim as finding a needle in a haystack. As a Sex Therapist, however, I encourage anyone searching for a substantial relationship to keep an open mind and a spontaneous attitude. I also advise them to be realistic about the places in which they hope to find it. So, lets be real-Tinder is saturated in selfies of girls with duck lips and guys crouching next to an uninterested tiger (yeah we get it, you’ve been to Thailand). What it’s lacking however is any kind of personal bio, shared interests or opportunity to advertise what your ideal partner is, or even that you are hoping to find one.

Take and enjoy Tinder for what it is-opportunities to engage in flirtatious banter with complete and utter randoms. Be prepared for invitations to sext, or actually have sex, and be open to meeting someone who might actually want to date you. Either way, keep your wits about you and for God’s sake, if you’re determined to post a bathroom selfie, please make sure the toilet seats down.

Check out Tinder

This was a guest post by Amanda Joy Robb

Amanda is 29 years old and lives in inner city, Sydney where she works as a Sexologist/Sex & Relationship Therapist, Sexual Health Educator and Journalist. As a therapist, Amanda shares her time between private practice and a national feminist organisation supporting survivors of Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence, an area she is highly passionate about. Amanda also teaches at Sydney University in the Masters of STI, HIV & Sexual Health and writes for various national and international publications within her expertise.

Amanda gets easily excited over quality music, her one eyed cat George, summer days, G&T’s, and putting pen to paper and writing about everything and anything she can to do with the wonderful world of sexology.