In Partnership with Adam and Eve
Interested in buying a pleasure toy but worried what your partner may think? You’re not alone. It’s completely understandable that lovers can feel threatened when the subject of pleasure toys come up, so here are some tips on broaching the subject the respectful way.
First, consider why it is you’re looking to introduce toys. Knowing your rationale will help your partner to understand your wishes and remove the ‘Am I not enough for you?’ doubt. Couple’s vibrators, cock rings and stimulating nipple pegs can add waves of pleasure to your shared bedroom for both parties. Make it clear that you want to use toys in addition to your partner, not instead of them.
Start the conversation in a neutral space, away from the bedroom and when you have enough time to discuss at length. Your partner needs to feel heard, so don’t rush. Tell them how crazy turned on you are by them, talk about what new things you can both do enjoy when using toys, address how happy you are with their pussy/fingers/mouth and that a toy could take that pleasure to the next level for you both. Most importantly, listen and react appropriately to their thoughts on the subject (no shocked facial expressions).
On a later day when they’ve agreed to introduce toys to the bedroom, you can start the fun part – browsing for a toy you’ll both enjoy. Do this in bed together, scrolling sites to read reviews and see which toys speak to you, discussing how you’d use them on each other. This is often a major turn on and may even help some fantasies come to the surface. Embrace them.
Pleasure toys come in all shapes and sizes, and I guarantee there’s one out there for you. Think about what turns you both on during sex. Are you a butt guy? Try a bullet vibrator that your partner can press against your taint as you come. Love staying hard as long as you can? A vibrating cock ring will make you last longer and she’ll love the way it feels on her clitoris. Love having all your erogenous zones – nipples, anus, clitoris, neck, feet and more – stimulated during foreplay? A mushroom-head wand is a great addition to your bedroom.
And that’s just the beginning; there are plenty more for you to explore. All you need to do is have a play to find one you both love.
Once your toys arrive, you’ve used them (and avoided silicone-based lubricant with silicone toys, as this would cause them damage), and cleaned them correctly (often warm water only suffices), be sure to debrief with your partner. Did you both enjoy it? Did they feel respected? Do you want to try something else are you both happy with the toy/s you’ve purchased?
Used intermittently in sex with your partner, or for pleasure play when they’re out of town, sex toys can be an incredibly sexy addition to your relationship. Talk about them with each other so there’s no taboo or shame attached (there shouldn’t be!) and don’t put pressure on one another. Like anything sex-related, the more ‘go with the flow’ approach to pleasure toys you both have, the more fun you’ll have with them between the sheets. Promise.
You should also know Adam and Eve also offer 24/7 Customer Service, a 90 Day No Hassle Return Policy and 20% of their profit goes to fighting the spread of HIV and STDs around the world!
About the Author: BARE Therapy is an online counselling and sex-education service. Helmed by sexual wellness expert and educator Tammi Sue (GradDipCouns), BARE Therapy provides regular opinions, updates and advice coverage on sexual health and positive relationships. Find your pleasure by following her on Instagram for the hottest tips on great sex and positive relationships – @bare__therapy.
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