A Man’s Guide To Sexting – Expert Advice From a Sexologist
They say action speaks louder than words, but – done right – those words can be the very thing that leads to action. As a woman, I know first-hand that sexting can make or break desire. Here’s how to sext and get it right from the very first ‘Send’:
1. Remember She’s an Individual
The number one, must-remember tip when sexting is never mass send. You may think it’s easier to craft a witty line and copy-paste it in a sext to several people you have your eye on (or even worse, send as a group message!), though the more personal the message to its recipient, the likelier your chances at a reply. Use her name and anecdotes or in-jokes you already share so she knows you have eyes only for her.
2. Start with a Compliment
If you’re unsure what your girl is doing at the time you’re sending the first sext, ease in slowly and suss out her interest.
A simple ‘Hey beautiful, you’ve been on my mind’ is a safe bet: if she’s free to talk, you can ramp up the conversation (‘I can’t stop thinking about that red dress you were wearing last Thursday…’) or put a pin in it for later (‘Let me know when you’re next free’).
Using words like ‘beautiful’ and ‘gorgeous’ over ‘babe’ and ‘hot’ are almost always considered more attractive to hear… because, in the sexting world, they can be rare. Set yourself apart from the intro!
3. Use Proper Grammar
Which of these do you like more? ‘hey bby i wantchu 2 cum ova & c me…’ or ‘I wish you were here with me right now…’
I can’t tell you the number of women who have gushed to me about how great a guy’s spelling on text has been, but I can tell you it’s a lot!
It doesn’t matter how many hands you have free to use your phone or how furiously distracted you may be, if you put in a little extra effort with regards to your grammar, she’ll likely put a little extra effort into her responses.
4. Plant the Seed Early in the Day
If you’ve been on a few dates and want to make tonight’s extra special, don’t wait until minutes before to get in touch.
Text her in the morning that you can’t wait to see her. Tell her what you want to do to her — starting with the foreplay. Write short and sharp messages (as she replies between), telling her that you want to watch her walk in the room, take a seat and slide your hand onto her thigh. Remind her how much you enjoyed kissing her last time and that you can’t wait to do it again, sliding your hand up her leg to feel her warm panties. How you can’t wait to feel her pressed up against you, her whole body. That when she does that, your cock will be throbbing just for her. That you’ve been waiting all week just to see her, feel her…
Your whole date will have an extra added layer of electricity — one that will feel all so good when you finally get to act out everything you talked about in the morning.
5. Reconsider the Dick Pic
Unless you’ve followed the above steps so well that the sexting has ramped up and you’re 100 per cent sure she’s in a private place while talking dirty to you, do not send her a dick pic. Seeing a penis can be wonderful… when you’re in the mood. Receiving one on your phone in the middle of your office conference call when sex is the last thing on your mind, not so much.
Still unsure? If she didn’t ask for it, don’t send it.
6. Follow-Up
Had a crazy good night of sexting? Tell her how much you enjoyed it.
A simple, ‘Last night was so fun… 😉’ could send shivers through her nether regions and have her picking up the phone for round two. Delivered.
About the Author: Tammi Miller is a certified practising counsellor, founder of BARE Therapy, and author of Paperback Therapy: Therapist-approved tools and advice for mastering your mental health. The Sydney-based professional is a Provisional Member of the Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia, and received her training at the Australian College of Applied Psychology (ACAP) in 2020.
Disclaimer: Man of Many is mainly for information purposes only. Materials on this website are not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, medical treatment, or therapy. Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on this website. Read our full editorial policy here.
