You’re at a party and get into it with your mates. Sex talk. Matt says he can make any woman come as soon as he slides inside her, then Tim counters with the fact his sex drive is 10 times higher than his missus, but Rob says all men hit their sexual peak when they’re 23 so that’s not likely.
With so many general statements being flung around, how do you know which one is true? Here, we break down the top five sex myths that men still believe… and include one that’s not a myth at all.
Myth #1: Men have a higher sex drive than women.
Movies and media have led us to believe that men have the superior sex drive – always on, all the time. However, this isn’t always true.
There are two factors in consideration when it comes to sex drive, both depth and length. How much are you turned on (a little or a lot) and how often (every day or with a little coaxing)?
Women can be turned on by a variety of scenes, paradoxically to men, according to author of ‘What Do Women Want’ by Daniel Bergner. Bergner found women could become aroused by watching homosexual male sex and monkeys having sex, while heady heterosexual men didn’t have the same response. Thus, women feel their libido much deeper.
The length of the female libido though, can be few and far between. The mental load (that ongoing mental list of things to do, see, feel) is larger and harder to switch off for women, and as sexual arousal is linked to mental clarity for them, this makes it harder for women to get turned on. But when they do…. damn, it runs deep.
Any person’s libido can ebb and flow depending on a huge number of factors including diet, sleep patterns, stress, news and more. If you’re hoping to increase yours or that of someone you love, work on these factors and you may see an improvement.
Myth #2: Men only want to bed supremely attractive women.
If you’re racking up your one-night stand numbers, it’s likely you’re not alone. According to a 2009 study published in a journal of Human Nature, men are more interested in casual sex than women and are far less choosy.
When it came to one-night stands, men reported being more likely to have it, with greater need than women. However, women are the ones with the higher standards, with more requiring their potential mate to be ‘exceptionally attractive’ compared to a lesser requirement from men.
Myth #3: Other people have a better sex life than you.
The grass isn’t always greener. According to ‘The Perils of Perception’, young people are having a lot less sex than we all think, but they’re likely not having more than you.
Men aged 18-29 in the US and Britain guessed their peers had sex an average of 14 times in the last month, however when actual stats were compared, the number was much less at 4.5. Men also believed women in the same age group had sex an average of 23 times in the month, however the actual statistic came to just 5.
So, why the disconnect? We’re not seeing the sex happen as we do other social activity, so instead resort to locker room conversation, social media highlights and television dramas to make a guess. And what happens in all those occasions? Embellishment.
If you’re having enough sex to keep you – and your partner – happy, then that’s ‘normal’ and all that matters.
Myth #4: Women orgasm as soon as you slide inside them.
Another one to chalk up to the movies; when the leading lad comes home, tears his girl away from her book, enters her and causes her toes to curl after one, two, three thrusts! Unfortunately, this is not the case.
As a woman gets aroused, her vagina self-lubricates, making her ‘wet’. This process takes a little bit of time (at least a minute) and so slipping straight in would be uncomfortable for both parties.
To reach orgasm, women usually require clitoral stimulation and enough clarity to lose themselves in the process (see Myth #1). If climax is your goal for her, hopping on and expecting an immediate moan is not the way to go.
Myth #5: If you like watching gay porn, then you’re gay.
Sexual orientation is not linked to sexual preferences as much as you may think. PornHub themes don’t cover off all bases, which can lead to people searching mandated categories for their specific craving. For instance, someone may search the ‘Gay’ sub-section for porn that represents their preference for power or control.
‘Lesbian’ actually rates incredibly high for women, despite many viewers self-identifying as heterosexual. This is because women are searching instead for soft, connected sex or that which details the specifics of clitoral stimulation.
If you self-identify as straight but love to watch gay porn every now and then, consider specifically why this may be – are you into the power shift, or do you like seeing a sex act that you can’t perform at home, or are you inspired by the bodies? Find out what it is you like and hone in on that aspect of your search.
Ultimately, just because you like gay porn it does not mean you’re gay.
Truth! ‘But babe, masturbation is good for me!’
One we can all be thankful for – masturbation is good for you. While you may report sensitivity and pain after a marathon masturbation session if you grip too hard, you’ll also benefit from the positives.
Jerking off regularly releases depression-beating endorphins in the brain that make you feel good, helps you discover what you like in the bedroom so you can ask your partner to do it next time you have sex, relieves built-up stress, and can even help you to get a good night’s sleep.
Provided you don’t hurt yourself – or your relationships – through regular masturbation (with a loose grip!), we’re on board.
BARE Sexology is sex and relationships education platform. Follow the pleasure via @baresexology.