When people say that Australians have no culture, what they’re really saying is that they don’t understand Australian culture; it’s more of an admission of a lack of discernible critical nuance rather than an educated slight against the beloved phrases, rituals and products that have helped shape this fantastic nation.
Whether it’s sucking tea through a Tim-Tam, wrestling a croc to impress a sheila or spinning a goon sack on a Hill’s Hoist, us Australians have a rich and proud set of traditions and values which we lovingly uphold, no matter what anybody says. One such tradition, is our inherent ability to celebrate a local brand by way of wearing a daggy cap with its logo emblazoned across the front.
Hell, even our Prime Minister does this, with no irony whatsoever.
— Scott Morrison (@ScottMorrisonMP) November 5, 2018
Beset by the consistent lack of curation surrounding the many and varied crap caps that call Australia home, one Instagram account has set out to put all the very best Aussie lids in the one place: Australia’s Best Hats Official aka @hatsgreatesthits.
The premise? All of Australia’s most famous head-toppers artistically presented through a series of photos proudly putting late 20th century Australiana front and centre.
Australia’s Best Hats Official has been on somewhat of a mission to get brewers of our unofficial national beer, VB, to bring back their iconic green corduroy baseball cap and, somehow, it’s worked.
Though already sold out, VB, who produces hipster fashion on the side of their brewing concern, rereleased this hyper-daggy item of sartorial repute in accordance with ABHO’s behest.
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Followers this GREEN VB CORDUROY CAP is without doubt the most beautiful object ever created by human hands, you can keep your Picasso paintings, your Lewis Vitton handbags, your 24 carrot gold jewellery ALL I WANT AND NEED IS THIS HAT – I have worn it during every significant life event over the past two decades – down the aisle of my wedding to second wife Karen, when I met my third wife Kim at the Toukley RSL Thursday meat tray raffle, when I was caught smooching Kim in the disabled dunnys by Karen at the Toukley RSL Thursday meat raffle, when I signed my divorce papers with Karen, when I walked down aisle with third and current wife Kim and also when I got in a blue with a bloke I’m 90% sure was Kyle Sandilands at the Noosa Sofitel because he took the LAST THREE SCHNITZELS FROM THE BUFFET YOU JUST CANT DO THAT, TAKE ONE MAYBE EVEN TWO IF YOU’RE REALLY HUNGRY BUT NOT THREE YOU ABSOLUTE PIG OF A MAN, THERES NO WAY YOU’RE FINISHING THAT, HE ALREADY HAD TWO SIRLOINS, HALF A DOZEN MORETON BAY BUGS AND A WHOLE GARLIC BREAD ON HIS PLATE – managed to get my revenge when I saw him the next day at Sunshine Coast Airport Qantas Club gave the waiter a carton of winnie blues to slip a bunch of laxitives in his Diet Coke then walked around locking all the toilets, last saw him bolting across the road to a construction site in a desperate attempt to locate a shitter
On the topic of the emerald green headwear in question, the poster behind @hatsgreatesthits offered a lengthy and enthusiastic description of what they described as, “Without doubt the most beautiful object ever created by human hands”.
Whether or not this is concensus is impossible to say, all we can confirm is that we take our own hats off to their efforts.