Where once you would be ashamed to admit you and your partner met online, nowadays, it’s become the norm, thanks to the seemingly endless assortment ‘hot singles’ in your area. But not every interaction leads to romance. In fact, in more recent times we’ve seen people swiping just for the hell of it. If you really want to find love, or anything else online in 2020, you might have to throw out the traditional rulebook.

With that in mind, the stakes are higher than ever and your chances of striking out on Tinder are as well. The key to this is getting your banter up to scratch. Here, the best-selling author and Sexology with Shan host shares her top tips for successfully sliding in the DMs without looking like a creep.

With so much noise in the space right now, it does feel crowded, but Boodram believes there is room for success. “You absolutely can make real connections in that format. The key is escalating intimate conversation in those bonds,” she says. “When you are forced to talk to someone, you screen each other, but most importantly, it allows you to be vulnerable in front of them and that fosters stronger bonds.”

“I slid into my husband’s DMs and it worked pretty well for me. The biggest thing to remember is that nobody wants a copy and pasted introduction,” Shan says. “When you do message someone, look it over and think to yourself, could this have been sent to five other people? If it does, maybe drop it.”

Like most things, dating in 2020 has the advantage of information. Now, more than ever before, we can peer into someone’s life and find out everything we want to know about them, long before we’ve ever had a conversation. It might seem strange, but in 2020, it’s worth putting your recon to good use.

Following on from her last point, Boodram says the next step is creating stronger bonds. “There’s a great study into the 36 questions we use to fall in love that shows that slow escalating intimacy through conversation creates stronger bonds. Talk about the trips you went on or the restaurant you’re in, then you can escalate the conversation into their family, friends and outside life,” she says.

“You got to research, you are not out here alone,” Boodram says. “Read 36 Questions How to Fall in Love, pick five of those that are easy to remember and come up with great questions and stories. For those that are still in that ‘easier said than done’ mentality, research can help.”

The final step in successfully sliding in the DMs is one Boodram advocates in all circumstances, a theory known as ‘Dating with Dominance’. “Dating with dominance essentially means keeping yourself at the forefront,” she says. “The goal of dating is not to find someone you think is amazing or to meet someone that makes you think ’Wow, they’re so incredible’. It’s about finding someone that makes you feel that way about yourself.”

As expected though, if you want to take your Tinder game to the next level, there’s more to the process. Once things start opening up and face-to-face interaction takes off, you need to be prepared. Boodram suggests getting your ducks in a row now.