Nick Hall

How to Talk to Girls on Tinder (From an Actual Woman) | Man of Many

Let’s face it, online dating, pick-up lines and flirting look a lot different than they once did. In the wake of high-profile celebrity stuff-ups, professional blunders and a deeply concerning culture of sexual violence unearthed in Canberra, the way we communicate with women is consistently under scrutiny, and rightly so. The boy club days are certainly over and it’s about time we put empathy on the menu. But don’t let the fear of ridicule stop you from shooting your shot. In fact, Brydon believes even the worst pick-up line, delivered well and with respect can still be effective.

What to Say on Tinder

It seems obvious, but swiping relentlessly isn’t always the best approach. If you actually want to get somewhere with a girl on Tinder, you need to know something about her. “Take a good look through their profile! The photos and bio will give you some handy hints as to what they’d like to talk about – and you’ll get brownie points for paying attention,” Brydon says. “Check their Tinder profile has the blue Verified tick so you know they’re the real deal.”

1. Read Her Bio

Using the pictures for more than just double-checking if she’s hot is also a good place to start. In fact, Brydon believes diving into the backstory of her profile picture not only shows that you are interested but gives the conversation somewhere to go.

2. Pictures

There’s nothing worse than a cold-opener. If you are wondering what to say on Tinder, there are some surefire steps to lighten the load and make things less awkward. “‘I noticed on your profile that you like/went to/had experienced…’ and go from there,” Brydon says. “If you’re lucky, your match will have filled out a Tinder Prompt. They’re like little talking points that sit in your profile. Hot tip: make sure you use a Prompt to better your chances at getting an opener from a woman. It makes starting a chat much easier.”

3. Conversation Starters

Believe it or not, even the most common of phrases is a no-no in Brydon’s book. “Any greeting that starts with a ‘H’ – hey, hello or hi. Look, it makes for an ok introduction, but there are more exciting ways to create a connection,” she says. “Questions are good: try asking about what they got up to in the travel photo on their Tinder profile, or if the restaurant in their selfie is one they’d recommend. The key is to show you’re taking interest in what they like.”

4. Don’t

The old adage of ‘treat them mean, keep them keen’ has been disproven time and time again, so it bears reminding that compliments aren’t off the table. You simply need to make sure what you’re saying isn’t creepy AF. “The key to giving a strong compliment on Tinder is to stick with something non-physical. Avoid compliments like, ‘Great smile’ and You’re hot’: they’re not fresh. If you want to go to the next level, ask your match for a recommendation or an opinion. People appreciate when you take their opinion seriously, and with consideration.”

5. Creep-Free Compliments

When it comes to sliding in the DMs, there are definitely nice things to say to a girl and not-so-nice things that come with the best intentions. The easiest way to avoid getting it wrong is to keep their feelings in mind throughout the conversation.

6. Keep it Light

Now, the hardest part – transitioning a good conversation into an actual date. A proverbial minefield for online dating – ask too early and you’ll seem overly keen, wait too long and you’ll lose your shot, finding that fine line isn’t easy. “Don’t shoot yourself in the foot and immediately ask your match out– wait until you’ve built up some trust, and you’re less likely to get a ‘no’,” Brydon says. “Show you’re confident and intend to follow through on the date by being specific: “I’d love to get a drink. How about Tuesday after work? There’s a bar in Fitzroy I’ve been meaning to try”. See how they respond – if they say yes or suggest a different time they’re free, it’s a good sign. If they dodge the question, you may want to think about whether the relationship simply needs time – or whether it’s going nowhere.”

7. ‘Future’ Talk

For the most part, Brydon’s advice doesn’t come out of the blue, but then again, treating women with respect isn’t exactly a new premise. Poignant and powerful, equality is a social movement that benefits us all and it starts at home. It could be as simple as putting yourself in someone else’s shoes while you’re on the swipe, something the Bad Dates of Melbourne founder is encouraging all men to take on-board this International Women’s Day.

Dating in the Modern World

How do you start a conversation on tinder?

When it comes to starting a conversation on Tinder, it pays to read the room. Tailor a specific opening that relates directly to her. Don’t try and be too complimentary and always go for something clever, not cheesy.

What do you say to keep a conversation going on tinder?

If you are having trouble keeping the conversation going on Tinder, always revet back to playful questioning. Ask for their advice, poise a thought-provoking question and push the ball back into their court. Always remember to cut things off once it starts to sour. There’s nothing worse than being stuck in a conversation that isn’t going anywhere.

How can you make sure I’m being respectful on Tinder?

It’s as simple as thinking about things in a real-life situation. If you wouldn’t say something in person, don’t say it over text. Similarly, respect boundaries. Don’t launch into sexual conversations or past relationships unexpectedly. It’s all about understanding and empathising with the other person’s experience.

How to Talk to Girls on Tinder FAQs

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