A good joke is a lot like a fine wine. If you wanted to crack it open straight away, it’ll probably already be pretty good drop. But if you give it a little time, it is possible that a joke can be matured and refined and whipped out several years later.
The same applies to this viral email that did the rounds way back in the early 2000’s. We thought it was too good not to share.
And for those who take any offence, we’ll leave you with a quote from our favourite Sydney private school girl, Ja’mie King. “Like f*ck off, seriously.”
Does the premise of the email still stand true today, 15 years later? We think so.
“How Many Students Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?“
Monte Sant’ Angelo Mercy College – Four. One to change the light bulb. One to mind her spot in the canteen line, one to notify the Sisters to start a chapel service about the event and one to notify the business office so the bulb can be billed to their accounts
Scot’s – Two. One to mix the martinis and one to phone the electrician.
PLC – One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Sydney Grammar – Two. One to change the bulb and one to crack under the pressure.
James Ruse Agricultural – Four. One to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing, two to install it and one to write the computer program that controls the switch.
Forest High – Two. One to change the bulb and one to figure out how to get high off the old one.
Loretto Kirribilli – One. She’ll put through a call to maintenance staff because there’s no way she’s going to do manual labor.
King’s – Two. One to change the globe faster than anyone in the GPS one to show him around the school afterward.
Knox Grammar – Two. One to install the new bulb completely powered by testosterone and one to brag about it loudly.
Riverside Girls – Five. one to change the bulb, while the rest watch out for the flasher while maintaining it is “their right as women in John Howard’s electorate”
Holy Cross – Four. One to call a Riverside girl to come do it while the rest look up her skirt while she’s up the ladder.
Ryde Secondary – Three. One to hold the ladder, one to change the bulb, while the other asks “wait don’t we go to Malvina dude?” “no its Ryde Secondary” “noMalvinaa” “ryde Secondary” etc etc
Cranbrook – Six. One to change the bulb and five to support its sexual orientation.
Ravenswood – Five. One to change the bulb, two to reassure her that she doesn’t look fat at the top of the ladder and two to circulate photos showing that she does.
Abbotsleigh – Four. One to smash the glass ceiling so that they can to the top of the ladder, one to install the globe and two to check that it’s brighter than PLC’s.
Shore – Sixteen. One to send out the invitations, two to get the beer, one to change the bulb, one to buy Ralph Lauren polos for everyone, two to smuggle the chicks in and one to keep watch for the boarding master. The second eight just need to be ready to back them up.
Newington. – None. They’re all too drunk to notice.
Killara High – Two. One to change the bulb and one to write to the North Shore Times about how she did it as well as any private school student.
Santa Sabina – None. They’re all down at Strathfield station having a ciggie.
St Pat’s, Strathfield – Ten. One to change it and one to buy the hair gel to impress the Santa Sabina chicks, while the rest compete wiv da Christian Bruvvers for da turf (Strathfield Station).
Hills Grammar – 13. One to change it. Twelve to make sure its better than Oakhills.
Burwood Girls – None, that shithole looks better in the dark. So does Strathfield Girls by the way.
Homebush Boys High – Fourteen. One to change it, one to throw the old one at the St Pat’s boys and 12 to kick the crap out of each other in the meantime.
Strathfield Girls – Three. One will change it. The other will orally explain to the Homebush Boys about how to change it. The third will statistically demonstrate how they beat Burwood Girls in the HSC again.
Macdonald college – Five. One to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about how the light feels.
Barrenjoey High – Eleven. One to change it and ten to share the experience.
Joey’s – Fifteen. It’s not that one’s not smart enough, it’s just that they’re a team and they have to form a lineout and get the backs into position.
Tangara – None, if they turn on the lights everyone will be blinded by there **** orange uniform, then their daddy’s will have to fight a court case for them.
Redfield College – Sixteen. One to change it, 10 to get drunk and laugh at the guy changing it and 5 to pray that everything goes down smoothly.
Barker College – Fifteen. One to change it and the rest to walk around as if they own the place and talk it up.
Trinity – None. Those poor bastards are keeping their backs to the wall even if it means standing in the dark.
SCEGGS Redlands – Three. One to change the bulb and two to nick down to Bed, Bath and Table to buy a Jacquard shade for it in the new season’s colors.
Queenwood – Depends, could be one, could be ten, no-one is prepared to commit unless the Shore boys are definitely going to be there.
Mercy College – Five, one to screw it in, two to laugh about the word screw and two to message the St Pius boys about it.
St Pius X – Three, one to get the word around that the Mercy girls are talking about a screw, one to replace the bulb and one to pray that they get it done in time to beat the Chatswood High boys the Mercy party.
Brigidine – None. It’s too hard to find a new globe with their sunglasses.
Tyndale – None. They’re all too busy at Westpoint Blacktown.
Girraween High – Two. One student and one teacher but not before they make out.
Riverview – Five. One to change it, and four to go to Gowings for new flannelette shirts to wear for the occasion.
Ascham – One, because she’s a unique, self-motivated, individual.
Kincoppal – Three. One to change it and two to make sure her hair ribbons are still in place afterward.
Patrician Brothers – None. All the homies wanna stay in the dark like hardcore ****.
Sydney Girl’s High – One and she was determined to get better results than the Sydney Boys.
Sydney Boy’s High – None. They didn’t have to, the Sydney Girls insisted on showing them how it was done.
North Sydney Girl’s – One and she will make sure it was the best installation ever.
North Sydney Boy’s – None. They were off playing basketball.
Tara – Five. One to replace the globe, three to figure out that she screwed it in upside down and one to phone her brother at Kings and him to send over his mates to show them how to screw the right way up.
Hunters Hill High – None, Are you kidding they’re all too bent!
Kambala.- Two. One to change the bulb and one to phone daddy to pay for it.
Oakhill – Twelve.One to go to Towers to buy it. Ten to go down there with him to hang out at the bus stop. And one to Change it.
St Aloyisius – Three. One to put in a formal complaint about the imposition, one to change the bulb and one to make the observation that it isn’t half as bright as the light shining from their arses.
Loretto Normanhurst – Four.One to change it. Three to make sure her cardigan is still wrapped around her shoulders and her ribbons from her head and bag are still tied in a bow.
Leichhardt High – Four. One to order a Venetian chandelier from her cousin Roberto who owns a lighting warehouse and imports from the old country, one to arrange delivery cause his sister’s husband Tony has an uncle whose mate, Angelo, has a truck, one to put the squeeze on his neighbor Dominic the electrician because he owes him a favor and make sure everything is done cash.
Cheltenham – None. No one can climb the ladder cos their skirts are too short!!!
Mount St. Benedicts – Three. One to hold a mirror up for everyone. One to change it and one to make sure Oakhillhill guys don’t label them as a canine airport again.
Sydney Uni – Seventy-six. One to change the globe. Fifty to protest the globe’s right not to change and twenty-five to stage a counter-protest.
Macquarie Uni – 38, so as to maintain that they’re twice as good as Sydney Uni. Unless of course its conception day then they’re all stuck in the queue at the bar.Epping Boys – Nah bruva we gotta check out the chicks in ma Honda
Belmore Boys – WHATEVER…that hole should definitely be kept in the dark.
Bradfield College – do they even have students?
Canterbury Boys – none, they’re waiting for their male counterparts, Canterbury Girls to come and fix the light for them.
Wiley Park Girls – HAHAHAHAHAHA….AS IF any of them are at school today.
Bankstown Boys – JESUS PLEASE do not bring us to have to see those hideous faces ever again.
Bankstown Girls – ditto dicko.
Endeavour Sports High School – these fellas can’t even spell light bulb…WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT (go the roosters).
Cherrybrook Tech -Two. One to change it and one to make sure that everyone has huge stuffed toys hanging off their phones.
Shalvey High – None. They’re all hiding their HSC marks from the Sydney Morning Herald.
Castle Hill High – None. They’re all at the school captain’s piss up.
Terra Sancta – One. One to change it because the rest are making out.
Galston High – None. There’s no power out there and they’re all doing each other up
Mosman High – None. There’s no money to replace any lights anyway!
Fort St High – The whole school- one to make the ladder, one to make a better ladder, then they can argue about who’s ladder is best. Meanwhile, a third person climbs both ladders at once, a fourth one then hands them a globe that they made in science, the musos provide the entertainment for the event, and the rest of the school stand around arguing about who’s religion/subculture/political party/footy team/race/gender/denomination is better
Woolwich Girls – 60- One to buy a new phone, 3 to call the electrician, 56 to hold the ladder while the electrician is up there, then the lot of them try to shag him when he’s done
Pendle Hill High – 6- One to take out the old globe and put the new one in, and the other 5 to figure out some way of making the old globe into a lethal weapon.
Balmain High – 19- 1 to change the light bulb, 6 to beat up the Hunters Hill kids, 6 to beat up the Fort st girls soccer team, and 6 to get killed by Leichhardt.
IGS – Ampoule ? Oh qui est si non romantique ! Employons * la place les bougies !
The Conservatorium of Music – They’d rather not show their faces to the public right now. It’s a hard time for them right now- they’ve just figured out how bad they all are at music, hence their lives are now pointless.
Newtown – They don’t need light globes! They’re all such bright stars! (or so they think)
MLC Burwood– Three. one to call the cabana boys and two to stand there giggling while he climbs the ladder.
Stella Maris College – Eleven. One to find the deputy to change the light bulb because it is a safety hazard and shouldn’t be attempted by the students. One to wait at the door with the old bulb. One Catholic to argue with one Pentecostal while the other two Pentecostal girls attempt to convert the six girls laying on the beach in their clone designer sunnies getting a tan for the upcoming summer.
Roseville College – who cares about the lightbulb, we can eat in the dark.