When you think of Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs, you think of sand, surf, and a strong sense of superiority. The Eastern Suburbs only occupy a tiny segment of Sydney geographically, but spiritually they are not only Sydney’s heart, but its intestines and most of its endocrine system. It’s here where Sydney finds its true identity, and rejects it in favour of one that is more on-brand.
The salty air of the East encourages innovation, as embodied by Belle Highlander of “Dead Sex-Sea Beauty”, one of the city’s most exciting startups. Belle is busy importing the best of the world’s sand to Australia’s shores, to give her compatriots a taste of the finer things in life. Or the coarser things in life, if that’s what they’re into – variety is the spice of life, and here in the Eastern Suburbs, variety is something that is admired in a hypothetical sense. From around the globe, Belle brings fragments of beach for Australians to rub into their faces. Sure, she’s in it for the money, but she’s also giving back.
It’s not just sand that the denizens of Sydney’s most glamorous shoreline are basking in. Nick Maloush, Sydney marketing playboy, epitomises the spirit of the Eastern Suburbs: an appreciation for the high end of human experience. Expensive parties, expensive champagne, expensive boats – Maloush is aware that everything has a price, and if that price isn’t astronomical it isn’t worth having. In the Eastern Suburbs, they work hard and they play hard, and nobody works harder and plays harder but in particular plays even harder than he works than Nick Maloush. “People say if you’re working for your dad it must be easy,” says Nick, “but I started from the bottom just like everyone else”. He is a living example of the Australian dream – working your way up from an internship with your dad to a highly-paid position with your dad, through nothing but hard work and ingenuity, and then enjoying the spoils of your labour with threesomes on a yacht.
Don’t let all the conspicuous consumption trick you into thinking the East is all about parties and pedicures. There’s a tough, gritty side to the Eastern Suburbs – apart from the sand. Zachary “Fingo” Cohen knows what it’s like on the mean streets – he’s walked them a million times on his way to and from school, and as the son of a judge, he knows how society “judges” those who don’t fit in. That’s why he’s expressing the inner rage of today’s modern teen by delivering spitfire raps with a twist, and that twist is whiteness. It just goes to show, in the Eastern Suburbs, anything goes: from bespoke sand to private-school rhymes, the culture is booming.
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