Jerry Seinfeld

New Study Claims Men Who Drive Sports Cars Have Tiny Penises

Have you ever heard the expression “small dick energy”? It’s the idea that men attracted to flashy, fast sports cars are overcompensating for their smaller-than-average penises. While we’ve always thought this common trope stems from jealous and insecure public transport types, a recent study from University College London suggests there might be a grain of truth in this old adage. But before you trade in your hot rod (and your dignity) for an e-bike, let’s take a look under the hood and examine the “research”.

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Fast and Furious

Image: Zuma Press

The study published in PsyArXiv titled Small Penises and Fast Cars: Evidence for a Psychological Link was conducted by several professors from the Department of Experimental Psychology. In the experiment, they manipulated men with false information about what the average penis size was, making them feel theirs was bigger or smaller than average. Their results found that men (particularly those over 30) rated sports cars as more desirable when they were made to feel less endowed.

“We found evidence that when men were manipulated to feel that they had a relatively small penis, they ranked sports cars as more desirable than when they felt relatively well endowed and that this effect was most pronounced in men 30 and over,” the authors said. “These facts and questions were buried amongst other items giving information and asking for product ratings so that our hypothesis was masked from participants.”

So they you have it, fellas, open and shut case. If you find yourself dreaming of driving a Ferrari or a Porsche, it’s because you have a tiny pee-pee. We know this as a fact because the scientists told us so…

As you’d expect, the journal publishing has resulted in a mixture of rage and hilarity on Twitter.

This CIA MKUltra-type trial, as highlighted by Barstool,  seems quite unethical due to the mental grinding of its subjects. We are honestly perplexed about how the study was approved and funded, given the obvious manipulation involved. Check out what they did:

“In the key trial, they were given a fact about the average penis size and then asked to rate a sports car. In the small penis condition, they were told that the average size was 18cm, larger than the true average. We reasoned that this would make the average male feel that they are relatively poorly endowed, compared to the large penis condition, in which we told them that the average size of other penises was 10cm. They then rated the desirability of a sports car.”

It is truly astounding how unapologetically cruel and deceitful this psychological study was. However, a different survey from 2014 also found a connection between sports cars and small penises. That study concluded that 42% of blokes who drive are packing baby birds.

E-bike it is, then.

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STAFF WRITER

Sam Mangioni

Sam Mangioni is an experienced Staff Writer with an extensive background in digital content production and news. Prior to working for Man of Many, Sam spent three years at Southern Cross Austereo where he served as a Content Producer and News Reporter for the flagship Triple M Breakfast Program. The Sydney-based reporter completed a Bachelor of Commerce from Macquarie University Majoring in Marketing in 2014. A specialist in sport, lifestyle and gear coverage, Sam's work has also featured in Fight News Australia.