New to Netflix in December 2019

December is here and your boss is probably getting on your nerves more than usual because you’d rather be outside in the sun with a crisp, icy cold beer in your mitts. And we certainly don’t blame you. We’d rather be there too. Riding shotgun to your urge to be free from your workplace is an undercurrent of excitement – because with silly season antics, come more hungover mornings and with more days spent curled up on the couch cursing the day you were born, comes Netflix, by. Like a shiny binge-watching knight, galloping in on a white horse with a TV remote in its scabbard and a mane of luscious hair that would make a lion feel the need to suck in its tummy for a photo. Sweet, sweet Netflix with its layers upon layers of new shows, ‘TV Events’ (sigh) and movies, like a delicious content trifle, just waiting to be devoured.

So here it is, the holiday hero list of what’s New To Netflix In December 2019.

ORIGINAL SERIES

The Witcher

For those who’ve played the video games, this new launch will be a mix of both excitement and trepidation – we still don’t know of course if Netflix will do the books and the games justice, of course. For the rest of you, get keen son, because The Witcher universe and its characters are fucking awesome and Henry Cavill is just the hunky nerd to play Geralt: a ‘mutated monster hunter’, who struggles to find his place in a world where people often prove more wicked than beasts.

Release date: 20th December 2019 

You: Season 2

Starring Penn Badgley as a creepy-stalker-fiend-type, You: Season 2 will see Joe now laying low and hiding from his ex in LA. The question is (Dun-dun!): can he deal with his past and make a fresh start, this time with the right woman? Or will he regress back into a shrub-lurking panty-sniffing creeper?

Release date: 26th December 2019 

Magic for Humans: Season 2

The show that’s for humans rather than dogs (thnx Netflix, we weren’t sure if this one was for us), MFH is an amateur magicians wet-dream, boasting extravagant props, preposterous tricks and routines that will have you turning to your partner on the couch like ‘was that real fuckin’ magic?’

Release date: 4th December 2019 

V Wars

No, not the Vagina Wars, wherein sentient vadges clamour for world supremacy: V Wars follows a doctor who is pitted against his best friend after an ancient disease turns people into vampires, rather than va-jay-jay’s. From the comics by Jonathan Maberry and Alan Robinson, we could be in ‘Daybreak’ territory here, being more style than substance.

Release date: 5th December 2019 

Lost in Space: Season 2

The show that got everybody’s hopes up, and then dashed them immediately due to pacing issues and over-indulgent cinematography, Lost In Space, is back for season 2. This time, the Robinsons will fight against all odds to survive and escape while lost in space. Wait. Wasn’t that basically the plot of season 1?

Release date: 24th December 2019 

Soundtrack

This ‘totally not a rip-off’ of La La Land, is Netflix’s foray into musicals, apparently. This original ‘romantic musical drama’ (FFS Netflix) follows the love stories connecting an eclectic group of people in modern-day Los Angeles. Cool.

Release date: 18th December 2019

Three Days of Christmas

Now there’s not much online about this one, and Netflix was suspiciously cryptic in their press materials so that means one of two things. A) this is the dodgiest Christmas series ever and they are trying to slip it by everybody or B) it’s a star-studded, big-budget banger. Here’s what we know: four sisters deal with family drama and secrets throughout three different time periods, all occurring on Christmas Day. Vague right?

Release date: 6th December 2019

Home for Christmas

It wouldn’t be December without a cuttla’ Netflix original Xmas movies. Which begs the questions: why are we getting so many Christmas shows? Moving on, Home For Christmas follows the perpetually single Joanne who is fed up with the constant comments on her relationship status. Naturally, she starts a 24-day hunt for a partner to bring home for Christmas.

Release date: 5th December 2019 

ORIGINAL FILM

Marriage Story

The talk of tinsel-town, Marriage Story stars Adam Driver & Scarlett Johanson: and apparently, it’s fucking great. Helmed by Academy Award-nominated filmmaker Noah Baumbach, Marriage Story is said to be an incisive and compassionate look at a marriage coming apart and a family staying together.

Release date: 6th December 2019 

The Two Popes

From Fernando Meirelles, director of “City of God,” comes what looks to be yet another high-brow effort from Netflix – which we’re more than happy to see. Without giving too much away, The Two Popes is about a frustrated Cardinal Bergoglio (Jonathan Pryce) who then requests permission to retire in 2012 from Pope Benedict (Anthony Hopkins). Instead, he faces scandal and self-doubt, and in the process, a secret is revealed that will (did) shake the catholic church.

Release date: 20th December 2019 

6 Underground

From the jumbo-sized soda of Directors, Michael Bay, comes a new kind of action hero – that we’ve already seen a million times before. However, we do have Ryan Reynolds starring in this gritty globe-trotting action-adventure-ride, so naturally, we’ll shut up now and be watching the day it’s released.

Release date: 13th December 2o19

Dead Kids

Boasting a subtle, delicate title, ‘Dead Kids’ follows a socially awkward teen who bonds with a group of misfits who plot to take out the school’s arrogant rich kid. That is until their kidnapping scheme turns deadly.

Release date: 1st December 2019 

A Christmas Prince: The Royal Baby

Ok, here we go with the Christmas movies. With the end of December comes the ultimate gift to Aldovia: a royal baby. But first, Queen Amber must help her family and kingdom by finding a missing peace treaty. Naturally.

Release date: 5th December 2019 

ORIGINAL COMEDY

Jack Whitehall: Christmas with my Father

In a Christmas special that will most certainly have you cringing, Jack Whitehall attempts to get his notoriously stodgy father into the holiday spirit. Whilst also calling him ‘Daddy’ and creeping viewers right out.

Release date: 12th December 2019

Tiffany Haddish: Black Mitzvah

On her 40th birthday, Tiffany Haddish drops a bombastic special studded with singing, dancing and raunchy reflections on her long road to womanhood.

Release date: 3rd December 2019

Ronny Chieng: Asian Comedian Destroys America!

Ronny Chieng (you may remember him from the “The Daily Show,” “Crazy Rich Asians”) takes the stage for an original stand-up comedy special, that will most likely discuss what it is like to be Asian in today’s America.

Release date: 17th December 2019 

John Mulaney & The Sack Lunch Bunch

One of the funniest names in comedy, John Mulaney will tackle grown-up topics with his kid pals, the Sack Lunch Bunch. Trust us, if you haven’t seen any of his stuff, you should.

Release date: 24th December 2019 

ORIGINAL DOCUMENTARY

Kevin Hart: Don’t F**k This Up

This original docu-series will follow comedian Kevin Hart during his “Irresponsible” tour, providing a behind the scenes glimpse at the not-so-overnight success.

Release date: 27th December 2019

Don’t F**k With Cats: Hunting an Internet Killer

Do you like computers? Do you like cats? Well, then boy do we have the doco for you. Don’t Fuck With Cats: Hunting an Internet Killer follows a crew of cyber sleuths as they engage in a dangerous game of cat and mouse with a man who posts sadistic animal-abuse videos online.

Release date: December 

After The Raid

A poignant documentary at a crucial time for asylum seekers and migrants, After The Raid follows a large immigration raid in a small Tennessee town that leaves emotional fallout – as well as far-reaching questions about justice, faith and humanity.

Release date: 19th December 2019 

ORIGINAL ANIME

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.: Reawakened

Kusuo and his gaggle of self-proclaimed friends are back for more psychic mishaps. For those familiar with the show, Kusuo is a notorious shit-heel at keeping his life together, so expect more of that.

Release date: 30th December 2019 

To discover great series’ and movies you may have missed, check out previous instalments of New to Netflix here.