There are a lot of lists out there with the most popular baby names in Australia, but who really gives a toss if you name your kid Oliver or Willow. They’re a dime a dozen. What we really want to know is what happens when you throw in a couple of random constants to make your kid really unique. Yeh, we’re looking at you Diezel.
With that in mind, KidSpot put together a list of 2020’s Most Bogan Baby Names. If you put aside the fact that the kids named with these atrocities will undoubtedly be tormented for life, it’s actually pretty damn funny to name your kid something rubbish like Dagger. At least he’ll never have to worry about unreasonable expectations. Thinking about it now, it’s actually pretty cute.
“Carn Dagger, are you excited for your first day of school”?
Whether you’re here for a laugh or looking for some inspiration for when your little tike pops out, one thing’s for sure, there’s no denying that Australia’s got some red hot kulture.
Best Bogan Baby Names for Girls
Let’s face it, 2020 hasn’t exactly been the best year for Karens, but as disgusting as their actions have been, nobody deserves to be named ‘Carryn’. The awkward twist on the classic Kazza isn’t fooling anyone. This is one name that needs to be retired this year.
In case you wanted to let everyone know you’re an alcoholic, Chablis is the way to go. This wine-inspired eponym is about as rancid as a two-day-old cask of Coolabah that has been left in the sun. “I’ve chuckled at Shiraz, Chardonnay and Shardonné over the years, but I hadn’t heard of Chablis until I met one in the flesh a few weeks ago,” KidSpot’s Sabrina Rogers-Anderson wrote. “The only problem was that she didn’t pronounce it “cha-BLEE” like the French wine region, but “TCHA-bliss”. Oh boy, was it ever hard to contain my glee.”
Honestly, what are people thinking? “You knew there would be at least one virus-inspired name on this list, right?” Rogers-Anderson said. “While there were countless ones to choose from, some of the other appellations – such as COVID, Lockdown and Sanitiser – were used by parents in foreign countries who may have reasons I don’t understand for choosing them. But Corona has had a boost in popularity the world over, so here she is in all her glory.”
We love Elvis as much as the next guy, but we certainly wouldn’t be opting for Graceland as a name. Naming your child after an iconic celebrity does check out. Naming your kid after their house? Not so much.
“Honestlee, this hurts my head,” Rogers-Anderson wrote. “I’m already not a huge fan of the next-gen virtue names, but a misspelt one to boot? I’m out.”
This isn’t a positive word. According to the Hebrew Bible, Jezebel was one of the original bad girls, so it makes little sense to name your child this, but alas, popularity is rising. “Trying to jazz up her name with a double “Z” and a modern “-bella” ending is an odd choice in my books,” Rogers-Anderson said.
“I get that 2020 is a strange year, but naming your daughter after a curse or a plague is probably not going to make things better. I’m not superstitious at all, but this is too much even for me.”
Beautiful, expressive, Jumelle. Like a French sneeze, this one is exotic and slightly unexpected. “The thing with choosing random foreign words as baby names because they sound cool is that sometimes their meanings aren’t fit for a bubba. “Jumelle” means “twin girl” in French,” Rogers-Anderson said.
The strange spelling of names is something we thoroughly enjoy. While we all thought Honestee was going to be hard to beat, Klowee made have topped it.
Best Bogan Baby Names for Boys
We love a strong name and what could be stronger than naming your child after an instrument of death. That’s right, just skip the Bruces, Johns, Dougs and Marks and go straight to PISTOL.
Apparently, violence is in this year. “I was already mildly shocked when monikers such as Blaze and Diesel started appearing a few years ago, but these are next lev,” KidSpot’s Rogers-Anderson wrote. “Do the owners have any choice but to become criminals? I mean, they can’t exactly be schoolteachers or Supreme Court Justices.”
This is definitely a strange one. “Just because rapper Big Boi did it many years ago doesn’t mean you should too. It’s been well-established that celebrities are not a reputable resource for baby naming and this instance is no different.”
Another fantastic example of a foreign word that sounds cute but doesn’t make any sense. “It means “kitten” in French for crying out loud! Name your son Chaton and he’s guaranteed to change it to Axe or Blade when he’s old enough.”
Forget Axe and Pistol, why not Dagger? A bit of hand to hand combat in name-format is way more aggressive and manly.
There was a definitely animal theme in this year’s list of Australia’s most bogan baby names, and based on how successful Toger King was a few months back, we’re wholly unsurprised Jaguar is a hit.
Want to jazz up your son’s name? Just slip a couple of extra Xs and Ys in to make it pop. Easy done
“Hmmm, OK. We’re over Kevin, so we’re just going to swap in a “J”? May as well starting naming children Febecca and Wavid then, hey?”
This one is just straight perplexing. “Uroctonus mordax is otherwise known as the California forest scorpion,” Rogers-Anderson said. “I don’t mind a good old stinging insect, but I’m not sure it makes for a good baby name.”
If you’re going to choose a word that means “cool” for your kid, pick one that’s more modern. How about Chillax, Chill AF or Awesomeballs? You’re welcome!
Oh, I see what you did there! It’s an onomatopoeia! The end of the word sounds like the growling of a tiger! Newsflash: your kid will hate it. Change it now.