Remember house parties? Long before board meetings and performance reviews, there was a time when the biggest predicament you faced was how you were going to scrounge two Banjo Pattersons together for a six-pack of the lord’s nectar. They were dark times, for sure, but much like Christian Bale’s lispy Batman, a weekend knight cloaked in all black waited patiently in the wings. Standing 6.5% ABV and weighing in at just $18 for a six-pack, Tooheys Extra Dry Platinums were truly the hero our teenage selves needed but didn’t deserve. Now, after nearly a decade in hiding, the Dark Knight returns: TEDs Platinums are coming back.
In a move that has delighted people who peaked in high school and bewildered much of this newsroom, Tooheys has announced the iconic full-strength beer is headed back to shelves – the only problem is you have to figure out which shelves they’re on. The return is facilitated through something called ‘Tooheys Black Market’, which the beer label describes as a “covert network of underground businesses” working to get Platinums back into your hands.
According to the brand, these businesses, which are located across the state, will make the renowned beer available under-the-counter, exclusively to those who can “uncover the unexpected locations and share the secret password”. As far as we can tell, the first sightings of the revamped Tooheys Extra Dry Platinums have been in Sydney and Newcastle, however, there are instructions and location coordinates hidden on the net.
At the inconspicuously titled www.platinumlogisticsnsw.com, you’ll find information about the new beer, but only if you visit in incognito mode. Under the cloak of anonymity, the site reveals whereabouts of the Black Market locations alongside a secret password.
Through our digging, we’ve figured out that if you are clever enough to stumble across one of the two secret locations, you need to mention the words: “It’s stag hunting season”, to the venue staff to receive their very own limited take-home supply.
“Tooheys Extra Dry Platinums are an iconic part of Australian beer culture and it’s exciting to see them making a comeback, even if it is through unconventional means,” an unnamed spokesperson said. “Like all black markets, we don’t know how long the supply will last, so loyal Tooheys Extra Dry Platinum lovers should do everything they can to track them down.”
The Tooheys Black Market is open for a limited time only from 12pm-4pm on Wednesday 26 July through to Friday 28 July, and 1pm-5pm on Saturday 29 July, at both the Sydney and Newcastle location, while stocks of Tooheys Extra Dry Platinum last.
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