Congratulations! Your partner is pregnant with your baby. All going well, you should have a magical nine months ahead of you. But what about sex? Here, we break down the myths and top sex positions for when your lady is pregnant.
Myth 1: The best sex will happen before she gets too big
Some fathers-to-be want to hold onto their wife’s body for as long as possible before changes start to happen. With her boobs filling in and some new curves showing in her hips and waist, you’d be forgiven for wanting to jump her bones in the early months of pregnancy. However, the first trimester is also the time when morning sickness, fatigue and breast tenderness are most prevalent. Chances are, your partner may not be feeling all that attractive as her hormones take a turn. While access may be a non-issue, sex drive might be. So take it slow and do things on her terms.
Compliment her, tell her she looks wonderful, lightly edge around erogenous areas (especially breasts!) and – only if she’s willing and feeling up to it – then approach penetrative sex. Blow jobs may be out of the question as her gag reflex becomes more sensitive. The absolute key in these early months is to make her feel good, because the hormones may not be.
Best sex position for first trimester: Whatever doesn’t make her want to throw up!
Myth 2: Your penis will dent the baby
Contrary to the cute belief that ‘that’s where dimples come from’, actually thrusting your penis into your partner during sex won’t dent the baby. Not to burst your bubble, but even if your penis is the longest in the locker room, it’s unlikely you’ll impact baby during any type of penetrative sex as your baby is well protected and sealed off in the amniotic sac.
Let her take the lead to tell you what position feels comfortable. A recent, small-sample survey (of my pregnant girlfriends or those with kids) found being taken from behind while standing to be the most comfortable for both mummy and daddy. This position is a general favourite of women in their second trimester as it allows them to feel comfortable in their changing body, is intimate enough for full-body contact while not pushing down on internal organs, and still facilitates orgasm through penetration.
Best sex position for second trimester: Standing, from behind.
Myth 3: Her sex drive will be lowest toward the end of pregnancy
This one’s not true. Women will often see a heightened sex drive toward the end of their pregnancy, so talk about it and get to pleasuring one another! Sex right up until her due date will be safe – and fun – if the pregnancy is normal.
While it may be difficult to find a position that works, practice makes perfect. Our recommendation is ‘spooning’, lying down with you as the big spoon, entering her from behind. This will relieve any back pressure for her, ensure a comfortable entry for the both of you, and allow you both to come with minimal exertion. This low-impact position also means her internal organs aren’t being squashed, making it most enjoyable for many women.
Best sex position for third trimester: Lying down, from behind.
Myth 4: Sex at nine months could trigger labour
There is some truth to this. Breast stimulation, female orgasms and certain hormones in semen called prostaglandins (which are also released by the body in the case of injury or illness and used synthetically to commence labour) can cause uterine contractions and potentially bring on labour. However, a study of 1,100 women published in Great Britain’s Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists Journal (2012) found good support for the idea that sex won’t induce labor.
A researcher from the study said at the time: said the results show that pregnancy evolved to be resistant to disruption: “Human pregnancy has to be robust to a little adventure like intercourse and unfortunately for , it seems pretty robust to the very end.”
Now we’ve got that out of the way, how should you approach sex at nine months pregnant? Much like at the start of her pregnancy – make her feel beautiful (trust us, she’ll likely feel unattractive and ‘fat’ at this stage), make her feel comfortable, and take it slow and sensual. Use your fingers and mouths to pleasure one another, as this kind of stimulation can remove any hurdles caused by changed bodies.
Best sex position for right before birth: Oral or digital stimulation.
The number one tip for approaching sex while pregnant is to be patient. She may not be into it, and you may not be either. Or you both might be but it’s difficult finding a position that works. There’s no ‘normal’ when it comes to sex while pregnant (or sex at all, really!) so don’t try and force something the two of you may not be comfortable with. And if there is any bleeding, broken water or pain, do stop and reassess with the assistance of your health care professional.
If you or your partner have any concerns at all about having sex while pregnant, speak with your midwife or health care professional. They’ll be able to advise you on best course of action, with specifics related to your pregnancy.
BARE Sexology is sex and relationships education platform. Follow the pleasure via @baresexology.