As is the case in any city, finding the best strip club in Melbourne isn’t as easy as looking on Yelp. They say that Melbourne is Australia’s most “liveable” city, usually cited with thanks to its plethora of excellent dining options, late nights, relaxed liquor licensing and European feel. While all of these things may be true (though casually glossing over the shit weather), there’s another factor that makes a city liveable, and that is its strip clubs. And we’ve been doing our research.
Whether it’s a dive bar with cheap beers and girls with names like “Starla”, or the most opulent of gentlemen’s clubs with lashings of Chivas and girls with names like “Tiffany”, a good strip club maketh the liveability of a city, and Melbourne has more than a few tucked away in its back lanes. Maybe you’re just visiting for business; maybe you’re planning a burner with the lads: either way, here are the nine best strip clubs in Melbourne.
With two locations, in Caulfield and South Melbourne, Kittens is one of the most well known names in Victoria for a good time. Kittens’ girls have been jiggling their jugs at patrons for over 15 years, and given their widespread and trusted reputation in adult entertainment, amongst rowdy buck’s revellers and corporate clients alike, is a sure bet for your next visit to a Melbourne strip club. They also have a bikini carwash in Bentleigh East, a yacht cruise and a party bus, so your options for a good time are many and varied.
68 Cecil St, South Melbourne VIC 3205
Spearmint Rhino Gentleman’s Club
One of the “classier” nudity-based businesses in Melbourne, Spearmint Rhino is known for its bottle service, stellar drinks selection, beautiful girls and a distinct lack of riff-raff. A dress code applies, so it’s a good idea to make sure you’re looking fresh before stepping into this Melbourne strip club, and fyi: it’s not the cheapest, so come prepared to part with your dollars (after all, it’s a special occasion, right?)
14 King St, Melbourne VIC 3000
One of the first sights you see on Lonsdale Street after walking out of Southern Cross station, Goldfingers is a rowdy night spot, famous for opening from noon until late on Tuesday to Friday. With events and themed nights (including the occasional hospo industry night), Goldfingers has earned it repuation as one of Melbourne’s best strip clubs for a salacious night (or afternoon, even) out.
584 Lonsdale St, Melbourne VIC 3000
Dreams Gentlemen’s Club
The kind of place that describes itself as a “Table Top Dancing Venue”, Dreams is the Melbourne strip club for the discerning bloke, who likes a coldie or two while having a classy perv. Open Tuesday to Saturday, Dreams Gentlemen’s Club advertises “Super Sexy Fridays”, which we can only assume is both sexy, and held on Fridays. Dreams also offers corporate, gold and platinum levels of membership for hardcore fans and regular attendees.
1 Elizabeth St, Melbourne VIC 3000
The Men’s Gallery
Host of the Showgirl World Championships, The Men’s Gallery is one of Melbourne’s most beloved establishments amongst denizens of Victorian strip clubs. Their dancers are known names in the industry–many of them award winners–and they also regularly host touring performers, making The Men’s Gallery a well known destination for buck’s parties, corporate groups and random nights out. They also offer a fun range of functions packages, including poker nights with topless waitresses.
601 Lonsdale St, Melbourne VIC 3000
Maxine’s Gentleman’s Club
Similar to Sydney’s Twin Peeks, Maxine’s offers a more holistic buck’s night experience, starting out properly with a two course meal, and washing it down with a serve of unadulterated nudity. Maxine’s is a little more fun than your average seedy strippos, and as such, gets a place on this list of the best strip clubs in Melbourne.
676 Sydney Rd, Brunswick VIC 3056
Spanning three levels, and boasting five separate bars, Centrefold Lounge is arguably Australia’s Mecca of smut. With hundreds of girls on display each week, there’s something for everybody at all times, and the interior design is classier than your average Kings Cross example. Also offering membership and function packages, Centrefold Lounge is not just one of the best strip clubs in Melbourne, but in Australia and, perhaps, beyond.
22 King St, Melbourne VIC 3000
Sin City Gentlemen’s Club
Located in sunny Dandenong (just outside of Melbourne), Sin City is one of Victoria’s favourite playgrounds. Featuring an array of stunning dancers, an excellent selection of booze behind the bar and an overall fun vibe, Sin City has a more classic, grungy strip club feel to it, for anybody who wants a smack of teenage nostalgia with their watered down shots and lascivious lapdance.
31 Langhorne St, Dandenong VIC 3175
Related: 9 Best Strip Clubs in Sydney