This is a guest post from Chris Manak.
So many of us settle for just ‘OK’. Working a job that’s mundane, but stable and pays the bills. We go to the gym a few times a month to stay in ‘decent’ shape, and our understanding of the opposite sex is ‘workable’.
All is good in the hood, right? Wrong.
Your Underlying Problem
When you’re just OK at something, you tend to stay OK at it for the rest of your life. Why? Because you have enough to get by. So why rise to more?
Just as most millionaires rose from being nillionaires, many of the men that you may see out and about, who appear confident and ‘natural’ with women, were not born that way.
They were created.
They very often rose from being God-awful with women, having taken the path of betterment because they essentially had no other choice.
If you remember the movie Hitch, you will recall Will Smith’s character reflecting back to a time in his life, before he was the professional matchmaker, where he was heartbroken by his girlfriend’s inevitable betrayal.
There comes a time in many lucky men’s lives where they reach that dire and life-changing point. It’s where they break through a glass ceiling of social and dating ability. The same ceiling that they have bounced their head on countless times in the past, they finally break through to new heights.
Accept That You Suck At Dating
Becoming consciously aware that you suck is where it all starts.
Most of the time, something will happen. It could be as obvious as a breakup, or as subtly sad as another lonely night in watching Netflix. Either way, it is enough for the elusive obvious to finally really dawn on you.
You’re a weak man when it comes to women. You’re awful at meeting them. You have a scarcity mindset which makes you pedestal any potential lovers. You get butt-hurt when the hot friend dates someone other than you. You’re desperate to try to get back with your ex. You’re lonely AF.
You decide – it’s time to reinvent yourself. All of a sudden, the inevitable pain of change pales in comparison to the pain of staying the same.
You’re tired of not having what you really want. You’re tired of being tired, frustrated, intimidated. You force yourself to change, force yourself to grow, and you decide in that moment that you will do whatever it takes to become more.
And thus the journey of the next “natural” begins.
The Rest Will Take Care of Itself
Perhaps you buy a book on dating, or you Google search some forums. Perhaps you spend hours listening to experts on YouTube, or seek out a coach.
You go through anything and everything that you can find that gives you insight into the elusive “secrets” of confidence and success.
You go out and test things for yourself. It fails. You tweak and try again. Eventually you start to see the opportunities that were there for you all along, but which you previously had just not seen.
In time, you start doing things that you never thought were possible (at least not for you). Your confidence grows by the week, you start meeting (and dating) attractive women. Your whole perspective on life begins to change.
Suddenly (and weirdly) others are asking you for advice, and you start to feel something that you’ve never felt before – freedom. Freedom to date who you want to date, to meet who you want to meet, go stay in or go out on any given night.
Your future looks bright.
And all of this came about because you once completely sucked with women.
The Type Of Man You’ll Become
It has been said that “the enemy of great, is good”. If that is true, then abysmal is the ally of awesome.
The reason that the stories of the completely broke guy becoming CEO are interesting, is because we know it’s within us all. The stories of the shy guy becoming the Ladies Man are cliché, because they’re largely true.
If you’re in the unfortunate position of sucking with women, feeling helpless in dating, all it takes is a shift in attitude to make you realise that you are in fact in an amazing place. You are at the start of an amazing path that will lead you to confidence and freedom.
And it all starts with one choice – do you want to be just ‘OK’ for the rest of your life?
Chris Manak is a dating coach and founder of Australia’s Manic Workshops; a company designed to help men build confidence and meet potential lovers in any scenario.