Single Aussies Over 40 Are Choosing Living Apart Together Over Moving In When Dating

• Mature Aussies are becoming increasingly open to the idea of ‘Living Apart Together’ (LAT), especially when children are involved.
• 38 per cent of single-parent Aussies say an outright ‘yes’ to keeping separate addresses, while 45 per cent would consider it.
• Separate roofs won’t automatically make a happy relationship, meaning direct talk and intentionality are needed to keep physical distance from becoming emotional drift.

For decades, the romantic rulebook in Australia (and much of the Western world) has been pretty rigid. You met someone, had a bit of fun, fell in love, moved into a place together, split the bills, and built a joint life under one roof. Packing up your bags and moving into a shared home was the biggest proof that you were taking things seriously.

However, recent research from dating site eHarmony shows this path is no longer the default. The numbers reveal a huge shift in how midlife daters view domestic life, with a staggering 83 per cent of single parents open to maintaining separate houses while in a long-term relationship. This includes 38 per cent who outright say yes to keeping separate addresses and 45 per cent who would consider it, with women leaning into the arrangement more than men (41 per cent vs. 35 per cent).

“For people over 40, especially those with children, relationships take place within a context of existing routines and responsibilities that don’t always easily merge,” Susie Kim, eHarmony relationship expert, tells Man of Many.

“Living apart together lets people build a relationship without disrupting the stability of the existing relational ecosystem.”

The traditional script is getting tossed in the bin, with long-term committed partnership now the primary goal for singles over 40 (26 per cent), easily outpacing marriage (13 per cent).

It isn’t that mature Aussies are giving up on romance. Rather, they are refusing to trade autonomy for a shared address when the relationship already works perfectly fine as is.

Understanding ‘Living Apart Together’

By the time you hit your 40s, your life is already pretty well established. You’ve spent years building a career, creating a home you like, maintaining a reliable crew of friends, and dialling in daily routines that bring you peace. Plus, many people in this age bracket have already been through a marriage, a divorce, or the split of a long-term partnership. Plenty are co-parenting kids or managing the chaotic schedules of blended families.

And, if and when you start dating again at this life stage, you’re not necessarily looking for someone to help you build a foundation from scratch. Instead, many people are searching for someone compatible to complement a life that’s already whole. 

This evolving mindset has given rise to an arrangement known as Living Apart Together, or LAT. Essentially, partners build a committed, long-term relationship while choosing to keep their own separate addresses.

This trend doesn’t mean everyone in Australia is suddenly packing up into separate houses overnight. However, the data shows a major shift in positive attitudes toward the idea, and a growing appreciation for the benefits it can bring.

And while the trend is being driven primarily by midlife daters, the mindset is also catching on with younger couples looking to preserve their lifestyle freedom, or manage practical boundaries, like pets that don’t mix. Take 32-year-old Brandon Cowan and his 25-year-old partner Lori, who live separately in part because their rescue cats don’t get along well. Beyond the cats, however, the setup gives them their personal space.

“I can make noise at weird hours of the night without any concern of waking someone up, and Lori gets the whole bed when she sleeps alone,” Brandon says.

“It works for us.”

The Case for Separate Homes

One of the main benefits of LAT is the ability to balance autonomy with true intimacy. When you don’t share a roof, hanging out with your partner becomes a conscious choice. You get together with your significant other because you truly want to hang out, not just because you both happen to be standing in the same kitchen on a Tuesday night.

As Kim says, keeping your own sanctuary can do wonders for keeping the relationship fresh. “For some people, having their own space can help maintain a sense of excitement and anticipation because they genuinely look forward to spending time together.”

Keeping separate homes can also cut out those sneaky daily friction points that tend to wear down relationships over time. You completely bypass silly arguments about household chores, sleep schedules, or whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher. You get to keep your mystery, your personal space, and your preferred living environment while still enjoying having a life partner.

“We still have our space and we don’t get into each other’s way,” says 50-year-old Naomi, who has been in a LAT relationship with her partner Matt for four and a half years.

“Though I do miss the cold nights when I jump into bed and scare Matt with my cold feet,” she jokes.

Blended Families Often Need Space to Breathe

Keeping separate houses also often comes down to practicality, particularly when kids are part of the equation. Attempting to blend families under one roof is notoriously tricky. Kids rely on consistency and predictable routines, so dropping a new partner and their belongings into a new house can quickly become a source of friction.

Choosing to live apart can provide a nice cushion that protects family harmony, with 35 per cent of Australians aged 40 to 49 saying they would consider maintaining separate households in a long-term relationship to preserve family routines. For people in their fifties, that figure jumps to 42 per cent.

“Blending families is often a significant transition, and maintaining separate households can give both children and parents more time to adjust while preserving familiar routines,” Kim explains.

“Children generally benefit from consistency, stability and a sense of security, so having that extra time and space can help ease some of the pressure that comes with major family changes. Living apart together can be a way of allowing relationships to develop gradually while helping children feel settled and secure.”

This exact balance was top-of-mind for Naomi, who navigates the logistics of five teenage children between herself and her partner Matt across Sydney. Having previously experienced a marriage breakdown, Naomi was clear on her priorities from the start.

“Our children had already been through a relationship breakup, and we wanted them to witness what healthy adult relationships look, the children’s stability within their home is preserved,” Naomi explains.

For Naomi, the choice to maintain separate spaces was equally about financial autonomy following her divorce. “I didn’t want to trust another partner who could potentially leave me financially vulnerable again,” she admits, “I wanted to minimise the risk of harm to my children.”

Then there was the economic reality of finding a roof big enough for seven people.

“To afford a minimum six-bedroom house would have been financially restrictive, meant travelling further or changing schools, and added the pressure of navigating teenage years with new step-parent dynamics,” Naomi says.

“Living apart allows us to blend our family with care while keeping our times with our kids special.”

Naturally, maintaining two addresses during a cost-of-living crisis raises an obvious question: is LAT a luxury reserved strictly for those with money to burn?

While financial comfort certainly helps, Kim points out that finances are usually only one piece of the puzzle. For many Australians, living in separate homes is seen as a direct investment in long-term peace and happiness. People actively prioritise their spending to make it work, knowing that forcing a living arrangement that doesn’t work often carries a far higher emotional and financial cost down the line than paying two separate mortgages or leases.

Commitment Doesn’t Need a Shared Key

One of hardest parts of navigating a LAT relationship? Dealing with other people’s opinions. At some point, when you’ve been dating someone for an extended period, friends and family will begin asking when you’re planning on taking the next step.

“My mum asks me every few months when we are going to move in together,” says Brandon, whose decision to live apart is tied to managing their respective rescue cats. “People know we’re serious. They know we’re both cat lovers and prioritise their wellbeing.”

It’s still a common assumption, however, that separate keys means a lack of real commitment, which is built on an outdated idea of romance. In the past, true commitment meant a joint mortgage, shared accounts, and one house key.

Today, mature Australians are throwing out those metrics entirely, with 11 per cent of Australians aged 40 to 49 preferring to fully combine finances in a long-term relationship. Among those aged 50 to 59, that number drops to a tiny 6 per cent.

“That tells us commitment is no longer defined by following one traditional relationship formula,” Kim says.

“A serious relationship can look different for every couple. You don’t need to share a roof or a bank account to be deeply committed to one another. Commitment is shown through consistency and social ties: being emotionally available, communicating openly, investing in shared social and family connections, and making decisions with the relationship’s future in mind.”

Avoiding the Pitfalls and Having “The Talk”

Living apart together isn’t a magic cure for a long-lasting and happy relationship. Because it lacks the automatic milestones of traditional cohabitation, it requires a bit more intentional effort to stay on track.

Without that deliberate effort, personal space can quickly turn into emotional distance, with Kim pointing out that the biggest mistake couples often make in this arrangement is staying silent about where things are heading.

“One of the biggest traps is assuming that because the arrangement is working well now, there’s no need to talk about what comes next,” Kim says.

“Living apart while staying together tends to work best when both people have a shared understanding of why they’ve chosen it and what they want the relationship to look like over time. Continuing to have open conversations about commitment, future plans and whether the arrangement is still working for both people can help keep couples aligned as the relationship evolves.”

For anyone wanting to pitch the idea to a partner, Kim says keeping the conversation warm and direct, with a focus on the health of the relationship.

“I’d start by being honest about why the idea appeals to you and approaching it as a conversation about what works best for the relationship,” Kim suggests.

“It can be helpful to explain what appeals to you about the arrangement, whether that’s maintaining independence, balancing family responsibilities or simply having a relationship that fits your current stage of life. It’s equally important to make space for your partner’s perspective.”

Love After 40 is Looking a Lot Different 

The definition of a successful relationship in Australia is expanding, and while moving in together remains a great path for plenty of people, it’s no longer the gold standard.

Singles over 40 are proving that love later in life can be flexible and deeply rewarding on their own terms. By prioritising personal space and emotional connection, many Australians are building partnerships that deliver the best of both worlds: love and commitment without giving up their front door key.

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