5 Gender Reveals That Went Terribly Wrong

It’s the hot new trend among those people whose entire way of life you find baffling and scary: gender reveal parties. These shindigs, where expectant parents find innovative ways to let their friends know whether the imminent child is male or female, have exploded in popularity since western society ran out of anything else to spend its time on, and they’re a fun way to make something unimportant seem slightly less unimportant.

But what happens when a gender reveal party goes wrong? Some might suggest the concept is tautological, but here are five gender reveal parties that went pear-shaped even by their own hosts’ standards:

The Party That Spread Like Wildfire

Border Patrol Agent Dennis Dickey had a fun idea for his gender reveal party: unveil the gender of the baby his wife was carrying by shooting an explosive target. If the target showed blue, a boy. If the target showed pink, a girl. If the target ended up burning 47,000 acres of grassland, a misdemeanour charge and $220,000 fine.

The fine was remarkably light considering it apparently cost more than $8 million to get the fire under control, but hopefully the incredibly aptly-named Dickey learnt his lesson nevertheless. As the video of the memorable shows, this gender reveal was neither well-planned nor even effective at revealing gender – I still don’t know what gender the kid is, all I see is flames.

Gender reveal burnout ends in fiery mess

Gender Reveal Burnout Fail: Announcing a baby's gender to family and friends before they are born is becoming increasingly popular. But a couple in Meningie's gender reveal took a wrong turn when they opted to do a burnout with pink smoke.More: http://bit.ly/2Pi09g5#GenderReveal #7News

Posted by 7 News Adelaide on Monday, December 3, 2018

The Bogan Reveal

At least this one did give an easily-understandable display of what the baby will be: when this South Australian couple decided to make their gender reveal the Aussie-est ever by performing it via burnout, the car clearly emits a huge cloud of pink smoke, so that’s a girl. Or, er…hang on a minute…if it’s blue smoke for a boy and pink smoke for a girl, what does…black smoke mean?

Well, I think it’s pretty clear: black smoke means your baby is going to be a bogan. Just like you. And it also means you’re going to have to hitch a ride back home, because your gender reveal party just burnt your car to a crisp.

Baby Burnout

A Canberra driver could be facing serious consequences after a video of a baby gender reveal burnout was posted online.#9News | http://9News.com.au

Posted by 9 News Canberra on Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Oh I See: It’s A Thing

So we had assumed that the burnout in SA was just one deranged family trying to think of the stupidest way to destroy property. But no, apparently burnout gender reveals is a “trend”. Only in Australia, eh? And possibly in America. And a few other places. But the point is: actually in Australia. Canberra mother-to-be Danielle Hope was over the moon when the noxious gases spewing from the family ute turn out to be blue. She may have later on spewed just as much as the ute when she found out she was on the ACT police’s most-wanted list (well the ACT Police don’t have that much to do really).

The police confirmed they are seeking witnesses to the burnout reveal, and have urged anyone with information to contact Crimestoppers. Which…I guess means you guys now.

Strike One

This gender debacle comes to us from Twitter user @the_JazzyJeff, whose user picture reveals that he is, sadly, not the Jazzy Jeff who brought us so much joy in collaboration with the Fresh Prince. Still, he’s brought us sufficient joy anyway by posting his video of a street gender reveal that he happened to be passing. This one doesn’t have the spectacular element of accidental arson, but it has a certain poetic beauty of its own.

The idea was simple: fill a ball with either blue or pink powder; mum throws ball; dad hits ball with baseball bat; ball bursts, releasing a coloured cloud into the air and revealing great tidings of much joy.

The actual event was just as simple: mum throws ball; dad completely fails to hit ball; ball hits ground and splatters blue all over the pavement; dad looks a complete tit.

Brings a tear to our eye.

Love The Smell Of Gender In The Morning

For a truly sensational gender reveal, why not use actual fireworks? And why not mount those fireworks on a regular old drying rack? And why not do this with friends and family just 50 feet away? Why not indeed?

Oh. Right. That’s why not.

As the rocket hurtles into the crowd, guests scream and run for their lives, and the local burns unit gears up for a new intake, these parents-to-be can be proud of the fact that they’ve set a new standard for turning the blessed miracle of new life into an outtake from Apocalypse Now.