Fellas’ you might want to prepare yourselves for this one- you may fall on some hard truths, some good Lol’s, or even a realisation that maybe, just maybe, and you are your own worst wingman. As a female and a therapist I’ve heard from multiple men baffled as to why they can’t move past a handful of dates into something steadier with the girl they have feelings for. Sometimes it just comes down to the simple things like off putting habits. Ironically, for many couples once they’re loved up, those annoying little habits can be seen as cute or endearing. Addition to this, many men may be unaware culprits of unattractive traits and not know they actually overshadow the fabulous qualities that make you a catch.
Think of the list like a ‘Suggestion Box’ and remember this article is to help you have a date not turned off in the short term, but a partner turned on for the long term.
adj. stin·jee, stin·gi·er, stin·gi·est
“Cheapness, tightness or whatever you want to call it is as unattractive as someone clipping their toenails on the train.”
Finances in a relationship can always feel a little awkward, especially with the first few dates where you’re both fumbling for your visa card, or the guy is feeling the old school pressure of footin’ the bill each time (No, an evening at a Michelin star restaurant shouldn’t leave you eating tinned spaghetti until pay day). While the chivalrous tradition can lighten the back pocket, or the mutual ‘I’ll pay, no I’ll pay, no I’ll pay’ is kinda sweet, what’s not, is when the guy just sits back and doesn’t pay, at all. In addition to the free rider, what’s as unattractive is when the guy divvies up the bill down to each drink, each side, and who ate a larger portion of the shared dessert (this only flies if before dating this financial arrangement had already been agreed upon).
I’m not suggesting that on every date the guy needs to pay at all, in fact, I’m pretty sure we have moved past this old fashioned idea of dating to a more equal taking turns on date night. However, the trait I’m referring to is the guy who makes a bathroom run when the bill is served, makes a phone call at the cash register, walks over to mates when buying drinks at the bar and continually leaving your girlfriend to pay. If this is you, chances are, she will not only stop shouting but stop talking, and leave you with a bill for one. If you’re reading this thinking ‘yeah but she never asks for money, or always seems happy to pay’ ask yourself, ‘hang on, have I ever actually offered to chip in’ or ‘when was the last time I bought dinner’. While I don’t think money talks, I do think it walks- so keep this in mind if you’re generosity doesn’t shine bright on date nights.
2. Bad hygiene
Okay this one is a no-brainer. If you’ve ever had your partner ask ‘when was the last time you showered,’ this heads up Is for you. Bottom lie- bad hygiene Is a sure fire way to not getting laid. Ever. Sure, coming in from the footy oval, work site, weights room or surf is completely justifiable, and often that musky/sweaty scent that we crave. The bad hygiene I’m referring to is when you’re going out to meet her parents, en route to a wedding, or just spending time together and you’re in unwashed clothes, have remnants of last night’s dinner through your cave beard or just haven’t brushed your teeth, its. unattractive. Sorry if I’m blunt on this one, but I think it’s straight forward. Don’t excuse your two-day funk for your pheromones. We know the difference.
P.S. – this applies to having clean bed sheets too.
3. Hitting up Tinder, while on a Tinder date
Do your date the courtesy of ending the night politely yet quickly, if you’re too busy swiping through your other options. It’s the offline equivalent of taking a girl out for a drink only for her to sit back awkwardly and listen to you hit on the waitress serving you. It’s not only irritating but disrespectful to the woman who took the time out to end time with you.
4. Fade out
If you are the type of guy who does not reply to text messages asking about your day, not return a phone call because you couldn’t be bothered, or simply only get in touch when the timing suits you- don’t be surprised if she’s gone MIA. This is perhaps one of the most irritating dating traits. If you’re keen, don’t treat her mean. That idea was left in the nineties alongside the excuse that you had no phone coverage. We can all get a little lazy with communication and its totally okay to get caught up
5. Not Listening
Okay now it might seem like I’m taking a cheap shot here or being gender specific but I think it’s fair to throw this in the mix as a trait that will most likely put any suitor off. I’m not suggesting Deep and Meaningful convo’s every morning and debates on politics and philosophy come sun down each day; I’m referring to is just plain and simple active conversation. Us women love a good yarn, and especially one which involves emotive content, stories about our day or get to know each-other Q&A’s. But more importantly, we, like most humans, just like to be heard and acknowledged. And, we will notice mid conversation when your attention is somewhere else. if you don’t feel like engaging in a dialogue which involves listening skills, then disengage yourself form the conversation and come back to it when we have your full attention.
6. Leaving The Toilet Seat Up
Easy one, just remember to do it. Oh and while you’re at it, clean your beard shavings off the basin sink.